Happy 4th of July


 

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Happy Independence Day!!!

 

As a child I used to love going down to Santa Monica Pier to watch the fireworks on the 4th of July.

As the adult owner of three dogs—not so much.

I have to say that this has been by far the worst 4th of July I have ever experienced.

 

For starters it seems that fireworks are quite legal in Palmdale. Yes, I have seen the stands all over town for the past two weeks.

 

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And yes the occasional firecracker has been going off for the past two weeks–not fun, so not fun.

Marley already has PTSD—this is so not the holiday for her.

 

I decided to buy her one of those thunder shirts, that are supposed to calm dogs–like giving them a continual hug.

I measured Marley to make sure I got the right size as these shirts cost $40.00. I bought the correct size based on her measurements and the shirt was still a tad large. If you scroll down you will see a picture of Marley in the shirt and the condition currently of the shirt as Marley has been trying to chew it off.

I had a face painting job today at the Calabasas Swim & Tennis Club.

Good thing the job started at 3:00 pm because I got to bed at 5:00 am after spending a few hours putting together my face paints and looking for 4th of July designs on the internet.

What was interesting was that I found some of the same pictures that a colleague had emailed out to all the party people as her face paint designs.–Hmnn–mental note for next year find cute designs on the web and claim them as my own.

I barely sit down to face paint when some mother starts complaining that her child should be first. Really? Because it seems to me that another mother had come up to me while I was setting up and asked me where the line was and I told her, just wait over there. So the mother who thought her child should be first per me was actually the fourth child to get in line. I’m thinking I haven’t even painted a face yet and no one has been there more than five minutes and the adults are already arguing over who should be first. Yes there are shy children in the world who don’t know how to wait in line and just let other children in front of them. That does happen. Here’s the thing when I am hired to face paint I do just that face paint. I look up and monitor the line as best as I can but t is not my job to teach your child to be more assertive. I did have two kids in line arguing over who was next. And how do I solve that one?   Simple I tell them if they don’t stop arguing in my line neither one of them is going to get painted. That usually gets the kids behaving better—but excuse me where are the parents and why aren’t they parenting? Oh it’s a country club they are having drinks by the pool.

 

Here are three of the designs I did today.

Butterfly 1                heart design princess 1

 

 

Now knowing that my residential area was going to be shooting off fireworks all over the place my plan was to get down with work at 5:00 pm race home let the doggies out before it all started.

No such luck. I got a call while on the job that a performers relative had passed away and they were catching the next plane back to the east coast. My thoughts on the matter are better left unsaid. However I shall say that I was not able to go to my own grandfathers funeral because I had work commitments.

So that being said I had to stop at my mom’s and prepare another performers costume to cover those jobs.

My plans to be home before dark just flew out the window. But I did try. As I pulled off the freeway exit I could already see the fireworks going off at 8:30 pm. It wasn’t even totally dark yet.

In retrospect I should have quietly walked into the house and pretended I wasn’t home because just my arrival got all the girls going.

Of course I had left them in three separate areas away from each other—-lest they were to get to riled up and a fight break out while I was not home.

I quickly realized that they still needed to be kept separated as the two pups were going nuts with noise. Marley got put in the bathroom–quite den like and I thought safe as she could not destroy anything in the bathroom or hurt anyone else.

Missy and Maddy–who seem to get along lately were put into my bedroom.

All the plans to clean and organize went out the window. In all the surrounding neighborhoods fireworks were being set off. Go to the back yard and I see fireworks. Go to the front yard and I see fireworks. Three houses down the neighbors apparently had a huge arsenal of fireworks such that at 11 pm they were still shooting them off. I have such a headache–it really sounds like a war zone around here. Even the cat started freaking out it was so loud. I can’t imagine how people who actually live in a war zone do it—wow. I know it’s not really a war zone just fireworks—but the air is smokey and smells horrible as well.  And the way the wind was blowing those damn things were literally going off on my rooftop.  I was afraid the house might catch fire–quite scary actually.

I had seen this meme on face book earlier today letting people know vets live in the home be c careful with fireworks. I didn’t really understand how fireworks could really trigger PTSD until tonight.

vet meme

 

It really felt like a war zone so I could only imagine our vets who had served were going through. I did some research and many of them avoid fireworks.

11:15 pm –the neighbors finally ceased fire–I go outside–yes people are getting into cars and leaving–yay. I let Marley out of the bathroom and then I go to let Maddy and Missy out of the bedroom….well come to find out they somehow managed to lock themselves in the bedroom from the inside……

There is that moment of panic as I think how am I going to unlock the door from the outside. After the panic fades I think –the French doors. There is a set of French doors from the bedroom that goes to the back yard. If those doors are unlocked I can let them out that way. The French doors were locked but for the first time since I moved in I see that there is an outside lock with a keyhole. I try the front door key and viola– I get the dogs out.

With the noises fading down it’s quiet enough to finally feed everyone. In my naiveté I leave Marley and Maddy along in kitchen so I can write the blog…….and then it happens Marley picks a fight with Maddy over some veggie nuggets. Here we go yet again. I grab Marley by her hind legs so I can pick her up. I have learned not to put my hands near her mouth when she gets like this. Both of the girls are fine–no blood was drawn. And that is how my 4th of July ended.

 

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Acceptance or Resignation……..


lavendar crone 2

 

These are the two words that have been  drifting through my consciousness for the past few months.

Accept by  definition means to accommodate or reconcile oneself in regards to a situation whereas resignation means the act of resigning a submissive attitude state or state.  These words seem so similar in meaning yet acceptance seems to me to be more “go with the flow” while resignation implies a sense of quitting –a giving up.

So the question begs to be asked have I accepted the now or have I merely resigned myself to the fact the life I had dreamed on will never be?

Since mid November I have been unpacking, moving putting away, throwing out and re-evaluating every aspect of my life.  I love the house I have moved into.  It’s huge and spacious.  If I could take this house and plop it beach side I would be in heaven. But I miss the ocean.  Is this it for me?  I dreamed on living in a house on the beach and drifting off to sleep to the sounds of the ocean waves crashing on the shore and I am living in the desert in the middle of nowhere and in the evenings I am lulled by the sounds of the frog community that lives in the empty lot next to my home.  I am not someone who just randomly moves. I lived in Long Beach for seven years, before that I lived in the valley in the same apt for 15 years.  I tend to stay put so other than winning the lottery and becoming an instant millionaire and buying that  beach house I will be out here for quite a while.  So, yes I have been wondering is this the end of the line for me?  Do I die in the desert rather than ocean side?

 

It is not just the move that has me reflecting but the reflection I see staring back at me in the mirror.                                  ivonne mirror

 

And I’m not talking about age as in getting old but age as in wow yesterday I was only 25 years old where did the time and my dreams go?

 

So you see, it’s not about “aging” but about the dreams that have gone unfulfilled and that most likely will never get fulfilled and so they start to fade from memory like a classical film becomes faded and torn with time.

I look at the vision board that sits on the corner of my bedroom floor and all I want to shout at it LIAR-LIAR -LIAR!!!!  I created that vision board about the time I started this blog.

That vision board hung in my bedroom in Long Beach.  I would look at it upon awakening and before going to bed.  I had so many dreams just five years ago and I was still hopeful that they would come to pass.

As I look upon the images which were carefully chosen and placed on the board I have to accept/resign that some of those dreams have faded into nothingness.  Five-seven years ago I was still hopeful of meeting someone and starting a family. Even if I meet someone tomorrow and a relationship developed I don’t think it would be possible to start a family.  And even if it were possible for me at the age of 52 or older to have a child, would I even want to at this age?

But the dream of child and family carries with it the ways I would have celebrated Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter and all the holidays.  Gone are the dinners that will not get cooked, the cookies that will not get baked and the mother’s day cards I have always yearned for.

Ok so maybe the age factor is playing a bit into all of this contemplation.  My body is changing and not in a good way.  When I was younger I used to say that I looked forward to menopause because my periods were so painful and now as I sit at the precipice I am not so sure I am ready.  There is a line that is crossed at menopause and nothing says old lady more than the onset of menopause.  Truthfully I can’t even say that I have crossed over into that phase of life but it certainly has been on my mind lately.  I do not have any of the classic symptoms of menopause.

“Symptoms of menopause can include abnormal vaginal bleeding, hot flashes, vaginal and urinary symptoms, and mood changes.”[1] Yes, my periods have gotten sporadic but they still occur.

Crone mother is knocking at the door waiting to be invited in but how can I let her know when there is still so much that I yearn for, long for? I look at the face in the mirror and I ask, “Who are you? ” Why do you torment me when I want to hang onto dreams that will never be?”

 

Hecate 2

 

And she responds by the glistening appearance of silver in my hair.  I have not dyed my hair in months.  I want to know what she knows.  I want to know what my real hair color looks like under the remnants of the last dye job.  Truthfully I am tired of the effort it takes to color my hair.  What is the point of looking younger than I am?  You see coloring the hair is almost like telling a little white lie (yes pun intended).  It allows me and you to pretend that I am a different version of me.  And each time I color my hair and the dye goes down the bathroom sink I wonder where does it go? Out to the ocean?  Am I polluting my beloved ocean merely for the sake of vanity?

Yemaya and Crone Mother are knocking at my door waiting to be let in.  But how can I allow the crone to enter when mother I have not been?  A maiden I have been. And maidens become mothers which ultimately transform the feminine into divine wisdom. I do not know if I am ready.  I hear them but chose to ignore them in my silence.

A friend said I will look older if I allow the grey to be.  A fellow actor said I might book more.  I think there is a peace that women achieve when they reach the stage where they open the door to the wisdom of the Crone.  I am not there yet.  I want to be all moved in with everything in its proper place. Furniture fixed and painted and looking new, well at least looking matched. I’d like to see the art back up on the walls but there is this fatigue that overcomes me.

I have had health issues since October 2013. I have lost my sense of taste and smell or rather I have a distorted sense of taste and smell–which has limited what I can eat. And I have this constant fatigue-that never seems to go away. My right hand is slightly crippled from the dog bite and a couple of months ago I slammed the same right hand with the car door. My middle finger is still swollen and not totally healed.  So you see there is much that keeps me from entertaining Mother Crone.  But she is there like a shadowy ghost beckoning me, to follow her to take the leap for what follows next in my life.

Is there an in between for me that can fill the gap of non-motherhood. Can I redefine Mother Crone into a Wisdom Goddess that truly reflects who I am and who I have been?

white haired goddess2

 

So I have to wonder have I resigned myself that certain dreams will never be or am I accepting that life has many stages and the time has come to move on?

[1] http://www.medicinenet.com/menopause/article.htm accessed on June 28 2014

 

7 Scary Ways Meat Is Messing Up Your Body


Sex, Spirit, Soul Mates and Chocolate....Ivonne's Journey:

A wonderful science based article by a Cardiologist on how meat hurt the human body. Read on and enjoy :)

Originally posted on My Vegan Heart Blog:

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A wonderful article  BY   DR. JOEL KAHN  found on http://www.mindbodygreen.com

 http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14098/7-scary-ways-meat-is-messing-up-your-body.html

Article accessed on June 22 2014

No aspect of wellness is as loudly debated as how we should eat. People just don’t argue over styles of yoga, meditation, or exercise the way they do about food. As a cardiologist, my bias is toward science. I’m interested in an analysis of research data so that I can make recommendations to my patients for optimal health and longevity. (Though I’m also concerned about the welfare of animals and our planet, both of which are harmed by the production of animal products.)

It concerns me that high consumption of meat is associated with cancerheart disease anddiabetes. In order to evaluate your plate and fork, here are 7 scientifically-proven harmful chemicals that are impacted by eating meat (but are rarely discussed).

1. High sensitivity C-reactive protein (hs-CRP)

hs-CRP is…

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Esther the Wonder Pig Farm Sanctuary Fundraiser……


Originally posted on My Vegan Heart Blog:

esther sanctuary pix

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/esther-the-wonder-pig-farm-sanctuary

My very first post on the blog was about Esther the Wonder Pig.

http://myveganheartblog.wordpress.com/2014/02/02/esther-the-wonder-pig/

Esther is what finally got me from thinking about a vegan blog to actually start one.

esther bed

Esther’s dad had a dream of one day starting a farm animal sanctuary.

We knew as Esther grew we needed a country property.  As the months went on we kept watching documentaries and finding different organizations online. We stumbled onto a place called “Cedar Row Farm Sanctuary” and met the owner Siobhan and Peter. They were amazing and the more we spoke to them the more we both wanted to do the same sort of thing when we were able.  It was more of a dream than anything else but still something we knew we had to do.  Over the last few weeks with all the chaos surrounding us now it’s become a much more real possibility and…

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Justine’s Organic Dark Peanut Butter Cups


Sex, Spirit, Soul Mates and Chocolate....Ivonne's Journey:

Of course every now and then I have to write about chocolate. My latest chocolate vegan find–yum-yum

Originally posted on My Vegan Heart Blog:

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These are amazing peanut butter cups.

So much better than Reese’s and vegan to boot.

Justine says, “Think of your favorite peanut butter cup. Next, magnify that feeling by a gazillion – that’s ours. Nuts? Yes. Crazy? No. Just imagine what happens when I take the best tasting organic peanut butter in the world and delicately place it into the highest quality, organic and fair-trade chocolate available. Yup. Peanut butter cup perfection!”

And he is so correct. These are yummy-yummy-yummy.  I found them at Whole Foods Market.

The company, http://www.justines.elsstore.com has other yummy looking products but I do not think all of them are vegan.

But the dark chocolate peanut butter cups are ( I know I already said that).  So the next time you have that craving put down the Reese’s and grab a Justine’s. You’ll be glad you did.

Here is the list of the ingredients:

2-pk cups (12)

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Lisa remembered and wisdom from the beyond.


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While working on post for the myveganheartblog I came across a video that my friend Lisa uploaded to YouTube before she passed away, ” Things You Learn About People and Life While Dealing with Cancer.”

Before Lisa died she wrote a letter to be read at her memorial service. One of the things she said was that she would try to make contact with us if she could.  Maybe this is her way of letting me know she is close by.  I watched the video just so I could hear her voice again and see her.

It’s a short video and she talks about her fight with skin cancer and what she has learned about the people in her life since her illness.  She has a lot of wisdom.  You should watch the video.

 

 

And you can read my post of Lisa here:

 

 

Solar Roadways……


Originally posted on My Vegan Heart Blog:

Solar Roadway

Artist Rendition of Sandpoint, Idaho – Home of Solar Roadways

Graphic artist: Sam Cornett

An idea whose time has come. I found out about this via a Facebook link.  The idea is phenomenal.  I hope it comes to fruition. Watch the video you will be amazed.  They also have a fundraiser attached to the project if you care to be in more involved and invested in this progressive idea.

http://www.filmsforaction.org/watch/solar-roads-the-future-of-the-highway-and-the-next-energy-revolution/

What if roads and parking lots were solar, fueling enough energy from the sun to power nearby communities as well as electric vehicles? Scott and Julie Brusaw, the inventors/creators have the answer. They have a IndieGoGo funding campaign active through May 31st, 2014.

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/solar-roadways

Solar Roadways is a modular paving system of solar panels that can withstand the heaviest of trucks (250,000 pounds). These Solar Road Panels can be installed on roads, parking lots, driveways, sidewalks, bike paths, playgrounds… literally…

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