There was another abortion. I would like to say that there had only been one but no, there had been a second abortion two or three years later.
I had broken up with the first boyfriend. He had the audacity to tell me that we “almost’ had a baby together. “ Really…did you just say that to me”. How dare he?! He did not have the right to say that to me when it was his choice not mine.
Well, boyfriend number two was an alcoholic but I did not know it. I hadn’t’ known any alcoholics before him. Breakfast for him was a beer and a joint.
Then the cocaine started. One night he was so high that he came into the bedroom and started choking me. I got away from him…grabbed my car keys and barefoot in my flannel pajamas drove to my mother’s home at 3:00 o’clock in the morning. That was it I was done.
Shortly after that I found out that I was pregnant. There was no way I could have a baby with a man who was an alcoholic and addicted to drugs. This was not what I had envisioned for the father of my child.
This abortion was done in the doctor’s office on a local anesthetic , which meant I felt it. I felt the baby being ripped out of my body.
It haunts me to this day……. to be continued……
May 30, 2010 at 5:27 pm
Oh god Ivonne,
I am SO sorry. That is terrible what your boyfriends did! You really went through some horrible situations I wouldn’t even wish my biggest enemy…!
I wish I could meet your exboyfriends and kick their asses! Argh! I am SOO mad right now! >.<
Really, you are so brave and strong, I admire how well you handled this time, even if you- and I know, I can't even relate a bit to your experiences- are still traumatized by the events.
You deserved and derserve so much better and more in life! Wishing you the best,
Love, appleblossom
May 30, 2010 at 7:20 pm
Hey sweetie,
How nice to hear from you. How have you been?
Everybody goes through stuff in life hopefully we learn something from it.
Still learning as is evident from my post about Jackson, LOL.
I definately have been working out the guilt about the babies, and the anger. I did not know it was there untill I had miscarriage last year. It brought out all those feelings..but that is for the next post.
ivonne
June 2, 2010 at 10:21 am
Interesting, I to have had an abortion to a drunk. I never told him I was pregnant, actually no one in my family knows, not even to this day. I went through it alone, and I still deal with it, alone. I don’t want children, so this was my choice. I live with the choice I made. And I am ok with it more then I am not ok with it. Would I do it again? Probably, but I refuse to get myself in that situation ever again.
I am so sorry about what that arsehole said to you
Argh.
June 3, 2010 at 9:36 am
Dear Sage,
Thank you for stopping by and reading my blog. Abortion is always a tough choice and is not easily made. Therapy has definately been helping…but more on that later. It is always a loss and I don’t think you ever really forget about it.