How does one go from being an innocent child like this……
to someone with Narcissistic Personality disorder like this?
There are two theories circulating in the world of psychology as to how a pathological narcissism develops. The first theory is that a child is overindulged, told that he can do no wrong. The child grows up with a false sense of who he is. The real self is not good enough and thus the mask must be maintained.
The second theory postulates that pathology develops as a result of extreme childhood abuse.
The mayo clinic asserts that “The cause may be linked to a dysfunctional childhood, such as excessive pampering, extremely high expectations, abuse or neglect. It’s also possible that genetics or psychobiology — the connection between the brain and behavior and thinking — plays a role in the development of narcissistic personality disorder.” http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/DS00652/DSECTION=causes
Sam Vaknin,Ph.D author of Malignant Self Love, Narcissism Revisited, postulates that what is needed is a comprehensive definition of abuse,
”Overweening, smothering, spoiling, overvaluing, and idolizing the child are also forms of parental abuse. This is because, as Horney pointed out, the smothered and spoiled child is dehumanized and instrumentalized. His parents love him not for what he really is but for what they wish and imagine him to be: the fulfilment of their dreams and frustrated wishes.”
Vaknin, Sam (2007-10-20). Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited – The Essay (Kindle Locations 1219-1225). Narcissus Publications. Kindle Edition.
Sandra L. Brown in her book, Women Who Love Psychopaths, also examines the role of neuroscience in pathology. She states that the region of the brain called the corpus callosum is “23% larger and 7 % longer” in the brain of the psychopath. (p 65)
“…The scariest outcomes related to the increased size of the corpus callosum is that it produces less remorse, fewer emotions, less emotional reactions and less social connectedness–also classic hallmarks of a psychopath, according to Raine.” (p 66)
Whatever the path that may lead to malignant narcissism the outward result is the same.
Symptoms of this disorder, as defined by the DSM-IV-TR include[1]:
- 1-Reacting to criticism with anger, shame, or humiliation
- 2-Taking advantage of others to reach their own goals
- 3-Exaggerating their own importance, achievements, and talents
- 4-Imagining unrealistic fantasies of success, beauty, power, intelligence, or romance
- 5-Requiring constant attention and positive reinforcement from others
- 6-Becoming jealous easily
- 7-Lacking empathy and disregarding the feelings of others
- 8-Being obsessed with oneself
- 9-Pursuing mainly selfish goals
- 10-Trouble keeping healthy relationships
- 11-Becoming easily hurt and rejected
- 12-Setting goals that are unrealistic
- 13-Wanting “the best” of everything
- 14-Appearing unemotional
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder
How does Jay Scott Berry fit the profile of NPD?
1- Reacting to criticism with anger, shame, or humiliation.
Jay is known amongst magicians to throw temper tantrums when he doesn’t get his way. I personally witnessed the beginnings of his rage in Malaysia. According to Mayr, he would punch walls, light bulbs, glass in picture frames etc. [Mayr's note: ...when I was at my most vulnerable, both of us were intoxicated he hit me ... and then he later confessed that he remembered hitting me. He made a few more attempts to hit and push me ...it wasn't just once.]
2- Taking advantage of others to reach their own goals.
Jay stole borrowed a toppit design from another magician and then called it his own new design to sell. He also went behind the back of another magician to borrow a design for a floating table without the consent of the original creator. [ Mayrs Note: This classic effect was modernized for the current market by one of his best friends (another professional magician) whose home we were staying at during the time, while they toured Europe. In fact, his best friend said, “Go ahead and try it out see how it feels.” while we were house sitting for them. These friends opened their home to us and gave him access to secrets of their trade. Berry repaid his friend by taking the idea of the Toppit effect, and rather than working with his friend to help him market and sell it, Berry went behind his friend’s back and created his own version and put it out on the market! This is only one example of many in how Berry operates.]
3- Exaggerating their own importance, achievements, and talents—-where do we even start with this one?!!!!—Hmnn Let’s see taken from his about page on Facebook—
About
Jay Scott Berry Is recognized as one of the World’s Finest Magicians. He is an undisputed Master of The Toppit, the Thumb Tip, the Finger Shell, The Ring and Ribbon, Dry Ice Magic, Silk Magic and much more. His signature Close-up and Stage performances are regularly called “The closest to Real Magic that you will ever see!”. His relentless pursuit of Excellence in the Art has earned him a seat alongside the All-Time Greats.
Jay Scott Berry
Cheers!
4- Imagining unrealistic fantasies of success, beauty, power, intelligence, or romance.
See number three above–Right before the trip to Malaysia Jay announced to myself, his publicist and his radio promotion guy that the next project he wanted to focus on was getting a Grammy nomination……..what?!!!….seriously?!!!!
Yes, he was dead serious. Here is a man whose complained that he had only sold two c.d’s ( I bought one of them because when he asked me to work with him as his manager on music I wanted to have an idea of what I was getting involved with) and wants to get a Grammy nomination. Not only that be he wants to record, Long Away, Far Away (remember the song he wrote about our romance as teenagers 30 years ago) with Celine Dion.
Again, I will tell you that he was dead serious about all of this.
He told his publicists that he wanted to focus on marketing him as a sexy romantic man. SIGH……ok I saw the young man of 30 years ago when I made love to him in the dark–but what I fantasized and what the general public would buy were two different things.
He told me that he wanted me to get him sponsorship with Levi Jeans–my blunt response–, “What?..your ass is too skinny–have you seen models for jeans adds? I like your skinny ass but I don’t think it would work for jeans.” Truthfully I don’t think he even responded to that one–but it most likely put another nail in the coffin of our relationship because that would have been a criticism.
And that brings us to 5- the need for constant adoration. Yes, I can be adoring if my needs are getting met. But I am also in your face truthful.
That combination is like gasoline and a spark–explosive when involved with a narcissist.
Also refer back to Mayr’s Story, http://ivonnemontijo.wordpress.com/2013/01/18/the-first-wifes-club-mayrs-story-part-two/ when the baby was born and she had to be a mommy and did not have the same amount of time for Jay is when he started his search for the next, Stepford Wife, http://ivonnemontijo.wordpress.com/2013/01/16/the-stepford-wives/ .
6- Jealousy- narcs don’t get jealous like normal people. It’s more about getting pissed off and angry at anything that can take the attention off of them.
7-Lacking empathy and disregarding the feelings of others–Uhm..just go back and read all the post regarding Jay Scott Berry
8- Being obsessed with oneself—Refer to #7
9- Pursuing mainly selfish goals—- Refer to #7
10- Trouble keeping healthy relationships—-serial cheater–seriously, refer to #7 but just to elaborate here is Jay’s relationship timeline—
His high school girl friend, Diane leaves him for another man–and apparently broke his heart–oh that explains a lot. Diane is currently friends with JSB on face book and apparently buys into all his propaganda. Actually she is a source of narcissitic supply for him.
30 years ago cheats on Ivonne with Belle—
cheats on Belle with Caroline, Joyce and Mayr,
cheats on Mayr with Japanese translator, Darla and Lisa his current wife,
cheats on Lisa with a female magician in New York (don’t have her name),
cheats on Lisa with Ivonne (yes, that would be moi–but you all know that by know) and if my women’s intuition is correct also recently had an affair with Mori when he was booked in New Caledonia, this past August 2012—-need I say more?!!!
cheats on Lisa with a 20 something year old as of Oct 2012.
11- Becoming easily hurt and rejected–Narcs play the victim. Jay is no different. He had told me that Mayr was crazy and has a really bad temper–
I’m thinking you’re still alive her temper can’t be that bad because I would have killed his skinny ass if I had been married to him for 12 years.
He told me that Belle destroyed his promotional materials–the truth is she took them and told him he could buy them back–they were in business together (sound familiar?)He cheated on her–what the hell did he expect?
Mayr ripped his baby daughter out of his hands (hmnn I never really did buy this story). The truth was that he went to live in Scotland with Lisa, his new girlfriend and then moved to Australia with her.
Nobody ripped his baby out of his hands–he abandoned her and moved to the opposite end of the Earth to be with his new girlfriend.
12-Setting goals that are unrealistic–see #4 wanting to get a Grammy.
13- Wanting “the best” of everything–Yes, Jay had the best of everything. Jay lives on a 100 acre ranch in Australia–He writes about it on Facebook–he takes pictures of the views. This was one of the reasons I thought he had been successful in magic, but I was wrong. Jay does not own the property at all.
Nope, he and his current wife Lisa rent the property from the Australian Crown. Don’t ask me how I know that–but I can be a really good detective
The narcissist rarely accumulates wealth, property, assets, or possessions.
Vaknin, Sam (2007-10-20). Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited – The Essay (Kindle Locations 2585-2586). Narcissus Publications. Kindle Edition.
14-Appearing unemotional—-This statement really needs to say–has no real emotions. Sandra L Brown states that:
“Portions of their emotional spectrum are deficient of emotions they cannot experience or have a reduced capacity to feel (such as empathy, conscience, remorse, fear, sadness and disgust).” (p 63)
The narcissist is not capable of really loving anyone. What they are capable of is mimicking and parroting human emotions to suit whatever the current agenda is at the moment.
To conclude, “the narcissist cannot form a stable marital relationship, or reasonably devote himself to his family, or maintain an ongoing business, or reside in one place for long, or dedicate himself to a single profession or to one career, or complete his academic studies, [ Ivonne's note Jay is a High School drop-out.] or accumulate material wealth.”
Vaknin, Sam (2007-10-20). Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited – The Essay (Kindle Locations 1958-1960). Narcissus Publications. Kindle Edition.
“He projects to others a confabulated, fictitious version of himself, known as the False Self. The False Self is everything the narcissist is not: omniscient, omnipotent, charming, intelligent, rich, or well-connected. The narcissist then proceeds to harvest reactions to this projected image from family members, friends, co-workers, neighbours, business partners and social milieu, or from colleagues. If these – the adulation, admiration, attention, fear, respect, applause, affirmation – are not forthcoming, the narcissist demands them, or extorts them. Money, compliments, a favourable critique, an appearance in the media, a sexual encounter are all transformed into the same currency in the narcissist’s mind. This currency is what I call Narcissistic Supply (NS).”
Vaknin, Sam (2007-10-20). Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited – The Essay (Kindle Locations 2878-2887). Narcissus Publications. Kindle Edition.
Related articles
- Scandal in Malaysia…..Part Six (ivonnemontijo.wordpress.com)
- Narcissists, psychopaths, and other bad guys (psychologytoday.com)
- Malignant Narcissism (thesquirrelsnestblog.wordpress.com)
January 20, 2013 at 8:43 am
Can I PLEASE go onto his FB page
how interesting would that be….. so delusional this man, so pathetic, so…so… eck don’t even want to waste my words!
January 20, 2013 at 8:57 am
Shit yes, go onto to his facebook—–just search for Jay Scott Berry It will come up–See the delusions for yourself. He also has a messiah complex- He had 5000 friends/fans on facebook but no one buys his cd or his e-book, well I did
’cause I wanted to make sure none of my stuff was in it—but go have fun looking at his page—-
January 20, 2013 at 8:59 am
oh but how I’d love to comment, …”Do you know Ivonne or Myra”?
I shall be good though – you have to claim this victory on your own.
January 20, 2013 at 9:10 am
yes, but we don’t need him seeing the blog just yet…Mayr and I do have a couple of tricks up our sleeves as well…:) make to sure you are wearing boots when you go to the site…you’re gonna find the bullshit runs deep…
January 20, 2013 at 9:11 am
lol Gumboots at the ready maam
January 20, 2013 at 12:28 pm
Okay, you made me curious so I did a Google Search. I’m not on Face Book, but I saw his music (which is actually pretty good) and magic on You Tube and all the websites, promotional stuff … yeah, whatever, so he has talent, but then so do many other people. I still don’t think he’s good looking and he’s kinda weird. Just move on, Ivonne. Let’s hear some stuff about you and your shows
January 20, 2013 at 7:20 pm
That’s the sad part that the man did have some talent but his mental illness and his bad behaviors, I don’t know call it Karma mabye, baby seems to be his downfall.
January 20, 2013 at 9:14 am
This is extraordinary! Does he know you’re writing this?
January 20, 2013 at 9:19 am
I have no idea, but he did arrive in town today and I found out his brother came into town as well–so that has me a little bit worried since I do not really know the extent that he has this illness and to what extent his behavior might be. I am guessing he doesn’t know but I gather I will find out in the next week or month because he is in California for a month, lucky me!!!!!
January 20, 2013 at 10:08 am
God :/ The kinds of people that are out there huh! Well hopefully your experiences can help others see the warning signs and avoid these types early on. The problem though is that these narcs/psychos are so adept at charming/manipulating/black mailing that by the time you realise what’s going on you can be in pretty deep!
The disadvantage most basically honest, decent folk have is that they assume that everyone else is as decent and honest as they are, and so they can be easily drawn along into compulsive liar’s delusion or scam. It’s a pity that good people have to become wary and cynical in order to protect themselves from unscrupulous psychos.
Still, it’s better to be wary and educated than risk getting caught up with with deluded, uncaring and manipulative people.
Good job spreading the word, not just about this guy, but these types in general!
Rohan.
January 20, 2013 at 10:14 am
Thak you Rohan for your words of support and encouragement. Yes, it is my hope that anyone planning on engaging in business or a personal relationship with this man will do their due diligence and find these series of blog posts–that actually contain the truth about this man. like Lance Armstrong he too will have to account for his actions but my hope is that I can prevent others from getting hurt, used and abused. We seem to have an epidemic of malignant narcissism in the world at the moment–but it won’t stop unless we call them out by name. I did not even know about NPD except a random post on FaceBook caught my eye and it explained my whole relationship with this person. Since that day I have made it my purpose to learn as much about this illness as possible. The sad part is there is no way to help these people.
January 21, 2013 at 12:36 pm
Yeah, I’ve known a few myself, they can be fairly harmless as an acquaintance as long as they are kept at arms length. I certainly would not like to go into business or an intimate relationship with one though!
I’ve known probably 4 people who could be classed as NPD, they are usually compulsive liars as well, once you know this though you just don’t believe a word they say, and you would never go into something serious with them.
In the end though they are human beings, the best thing you can do for them is remove yourself from their influence, let them move on and spread the word as you have done.
I’ve studied the DSMIV, psychiatry with it’s “Sick Brain Model” and the opposing views. I recommend you check out a documentary called “The Century of The Self” and also “The Marketing of Madness” you should be able to find both for free on youtube.
The DSM can be good for finding a cluster of behavioral traits but I believe people are a little nuanced and complex than the DSM suggests. I’ve also personally seen, and read many cases of “Lifelong mental illness due to a brain disorder” being “cured” via a combination of positive environmental changes as well as inner work. This includes clinical depression, schizophrenia and so on.
Sorry I blabbed there a bit, but do check out those docos, very very interesting and educational.
All the best
Rohan.
January 21, 2013 at 8:50 pm
Dear Rohan,
thank you for the links. I will check them out. Neuro-science has always fascinated me. The problem with people with NPD is that they don’t think anything is wrong with themselves or their behaviors and thus have no impetus for change.
January 20, 2013 at 12:07 pm
This is all so humorous, first, how can he think he’s so famous, I never even heard of him until I started reading your blog. Second, if you’re going to work with a new client, he/she should GIVE you the CD, not make you buy it! That’s just so pathetic that you had to BUY his CD when you’re working together!
This reminds me of a theory I had a long time ago, called the $1.99 karma bin. I’m mildly connected to the music world because in my younger day I went to a lot of shows, met a lot of people, got backstage, also worked for two large music corporations and then later became a music journalist and more VIP/backstage stuff …. (blah, blah, blah, I know, but just setting the scenario for the story’s punchline …)
Anyway, it just seemed that of all the nice, cool musicians I met, there were always a few that were jerks — and ironically the jerks were the ones who weren’t as successful. They’d be the ones that maybe did ONE gig at CBGBs, or a tour of Europe but spent sleeping on the floors of fan’s living rooms. Nothing nearly as big as they wanted the rest of the world to believe. These idiots were always so high on themselves, acting like they were better then everyone. They’d only talk to you if you were hanging out with someone more famous, but if you were alone or with someone who wasn’t famous, they’d turn their heads.
Then I’d be shopping and see their CDs in the $1.99 bin! It was like, “Okay, big shot, you thought you were so great and so superior to everyone else, and you were mean to me — and here I am looking at your CD for only $1.99 and I’m not buying it — ha-ha-ha!”
So, yeah, this is funny! But worse, it’s also very sad. One of these days your ex is going to wake up and realize he’s not what he thinks he is and he’ll be a very, very sad man!
January 20, 2013 at 7:18 pm
Ok, I did get a stack of c.d.’s once I started working with him but when he asked me to consider it I just wanted to hear the music-I did not want to wait for a c.d. The instrumental music c’d's he did with Mayr is amazing.
January 20, 2013 at 7:19 pm
Great story about the 1.99 bin
January 20, 2013 at 12:52 pm
Ivonne,dearest!!! I say be gone with this pathetic, tiny man! You are beautiful and deserve someone wonderful and loving in your life! I for one wish you great happiness! Loves you! …hugs from Oz! …..Paula xxx
January 20, 2013 at 7:16 pm
Yes, mam from your mouth to God’s ears.
January 21, 2013 at 2:26 am
Hahaha! x
January 20, 2013 at 3:06 pm
Reblogged this on Paula's Pontifications and commented:
A delusional illusionist. Exposing a world-famous magician that no one has ever heard of! Love this blog. Hope you enjoy Ivonne’s story, too. Truth is better than fiction!
January 20, 2013 at 7:15 pm
Paula, I am honored that you reblogged. Thank you. and yes the truth is stranger than fiction and like I have said previously this is only the tip of the iceberg on this man and his behaviors and actions.
January 20, 2013 at 3:16 pm
This was such an incrdible posting – I am sending this on to some friends. thank you!!
January 23, 2013 at 10:11 pm
Thank you for stopping by the blog and thank you for sharing. Education regarding what Narcissistic Personality Disorder is and what it looks like is the only way to combat it.
Ivonne
January 20, 2013 at 7:16 pm
Interesting. I wish I were as good of a detective, if nothing more than for validation.
Nice outline of narcissists and subsequent behaviors out of your ex. My ex psychopath was more of the highly successful type in his career, never changed geographical locations (has lived in the same area and house that he own for 15 years), yet has changed personas and churches where he is a worship leader, as well as changing up victims.I think part of the problem (other than the issues I have that allowed this into my life in the first place), is that he presented completely differently than I have heard of the ‘textbook’ variety although ultimately is behaviors were so. Lack of empathy, remorse or guilt, however he was extremely stealth, which made him more dangerous as he hides well behind his image and money.
Your ex, however, is classic. I hope it helps others who are dealing with the same presentation. I found his self aggrandizing extremely humorous.
January 20, 2013 at 7:31 pm
Thank you, for the compliment coming from you this means a lot. Yes, once you can step back and see the behavior for what it is itis very laughable. Jay might have been more successful if he had finished school and learned about business in addition to being an artist–the thing is they will never be as successful as they think they are entitled to be. And the end result is always the same–they cause devastation and ruin along the way. Unless he reappears like some zombie–I think this is the last post on him.
January 20, 2013 at 10:20 pm
Ivonne,
I think to write authentically, means writing from where we’re at in recovery. Some of are in the angry stage and want to expose, some of us are in the beginning stages so we talk about the disorder all the time, assigning blame (and rightfully so), for a time, some of us are moving into the stage of recovery where we are self reflective. Anyway, the point is that you need to write from a place of authenticity all the time. If you still want to write about him, do it until you tire of it, review in your mind, gather your insights and wisdom and move onto the next stage of recovery. ALWAYS be authentic, because no matter where you are in recovery, someone is right there with you and sharing in it. **hugs**
January 21, 2013 at 12:49 am
Thank you,I so appreciate your support words of encouragement and your blog as well,which has been instrumental in the healing process as well.
Ivonne
January 20, 2013 at 9:10 pm
I would like to add as a note, to the Toppit effect he borrowed, Ivonne mentions … this classic effect was modernized for the current market by one of his best friends (another professional magician) whose home we were staying at during the time, while they toured Europe. In fact, his best friend said, “Go ahead and try it out see how it feels.” while we were house sitting for them. These friends opened their home to us and gave him access to secrets of their trade. Berry repaid his friend by taking the idea of the Toppit effect, and rather than working with his friend to help him market and sell it, Berry went behind his friend’s back and created his own version and put it out on the market! This is only one example of many in how Berry operates.
March 8, 2013 at 12:29 pm
[...] The Face of Narcissism…… (ivonnemontijo.wordpress.com) [...]
March 10, 2013 at 7:53 am
[...] most recent book I have read that I have referenced in my post, The Face of Narcissism [...]
April 4, 2013 at 5:54 am
being “C” i just want to say that this part of my life was over 30 years ago, and I now chalk it up to adolescent relationships. I have nothing to contribute to your blog. You are obviously way more involved than I was (no matter how much I wish I would have continued to be so…) and I have moved far past this time in my life. I have 4 successful children and a husband of 28.9 years, so JSB is nothing more than a memory.
April 4, 2013 at 6:09 am
Dear “C”, thank you for taking the time to read the blog. I am so glad to hear that you were one of the few women to exit her relationship with JSB unscathed and that you are in a loving relationship with a wonderful family and that JSB is nothing more than a memory. If you read the other posts you will see that was not the case with the other women nor with me, or his current wife…sigh…… I have been merely seeking the truth behind all the lies and deceptions that I had experienced and was sincerely just trying to find out where you fit in the timeline of my relationship with Jay. I was not seeking any further contributions to my blog. It may have been over 30 years ago but to find out that there were multiple women at the time of myself–well it still hurts even 30 years later. And not just 30 years ago but last year as well.
Update: Caroline contacted Mayr wanting to know of Mayr’s relationship with JSB–Mayr confirmed that 1- I did not want Caroline to contribute to my blog, 2-that everything written is the truth. Also Caroline is now friends with JSB and comments on his post quite frequently–so no he is not in the past for her at all—who knows maybe someday I’ll do a post on how I came to know about Caroline.
April 23, 2013 at 8:01 pm
Hey Ivonne! I’ve never heard of the dude, but wow! Anyway, thanks again for the help with my pooch and for following – you’re a sweetheart! Celeste:)
April 23, 2013 at 8:19 pm
You are very welcome.
ivonne