How does one go from being an innocent child like this……
to someone with Narcissistic Personality disorder like this?
There are two theories circulating in the world of psychology as to how a pathological narcissism develops. The first theory is that a child is overindulged, told that he can do no wrong. The child grows up with a false sense of who he is. The real self is not good enough and thus the mask must be maintained.
The second theory postulates that pathology develops as a result of extreme childhood abuse.
The mayo clinic asserts that “The cause may be linked to a dysfunctional childhood, such as excessive pampering, extremely high expectations, abuse or neglect. It’s also possible that genetics or psychobiology — the connection between the brain and behavior and thinking — plays a role in the development of narcissistic personality disorder.” http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/DS00652/DSECTION=causes
Sam Vaknin,Ph.D author of Malignant Self Love, Narcissism Revisited, postulates that what is needed is a comprehensive definition of abuse,
”Overweening, smothering, spoiling, overvaluing, and idolizing the child are also forms of parental abuse. This is because, as Horney pointed out, the smothered and spoiled child is dehumanized and instrumentalized. His parents love him not for what he really is but for what they wish and imagine him to be: the fulfilment of their dreams and frustrated wishes.”
Vaknin, Sam (2007-10-20). Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited – The Essay (Kindle Locations 1219-1225). Narcissus Publications. Kindle Edition.
Sandra L. Brown in her book, Women Who Love Psychopaths, also examines the role of neuroscience in pathology. She states that the region of the brain called the corpus callosum is “23% larger and 7 % longer” in the brain of the psychopath. (p 65)
“…The scariest outcomes related to the increased size of the corpus callosum is that it produces less remorse, fewer emotions, less emotional reactions and less social connectedness–also classic hallmarks of a psychopath, according to Raine.” (p 66)
Whatever the path that may lead to malignant narcissism the outward result is the same.
- 1-Reacting to criticism with anger, shame, or humiliation
- 2-Taking advantage of others to reach their own goals
- 3-Exaggerating their own importance, achievements, and talents
- 4-Imagining unrealistic fantasies of success, beauty, power, intelligence, or romance
- 5-Requiring constant attention and positive reinforcement from others
- 6-Becoming jealous easily
- 7-Lacking empathy and disregarding the feelings of others
- 8-Being obsessed with oneself
- 9-Pursuing mainly selfish goals
- 10-Trouble keeping healthy relationships
- 11-Becoming easily hurt and rejected
- 12-Setting goals that are unrealistic
- 13-Wanting “the best” of everything
- 14-Appearing unemotional
How does Jay Scott Berry fit the profile of NPD?
Jay is known amongst magicians to throw temper tantrums when he doesn’t get his way. I personally witnessed the beginnings of his rage in Malaysia. According to Mayr, he would punch walls, light bulbs, glass in picture frames etc. [Mayr's note: ...when I was at my most vulnerable, both of us were intoxicated he hit me ... and then he later confessed that he remembered hitting me. He made a few more attempts to hit and push me ...it wasn't just once.]
2- Taking advantage of others to reach their own goals.
stole borrowed a toppit design from another magician and then called it his own new design to sell. He also went behind the back of another magician to borrow a design for a floating table without the consent of the original creator. [ Mayrs Note: This classic effect was modernized for the current market by one of his best friends (another professional magician) whose home we were staying at during the time, while they toured Europe. In fact, his best friend said, “Go ahead and try it out see how it feels.” while we were house sitting for them. These friends opened their home to us and gave him access to secrets of their trade. Berry repaid his friend by taking the idea of the Toppit effect, and rather than working with his friend to help him market and sell it, Berry went behind his friend’s back and created his own version and put it out on the market! This is only one example of many in how Berry operates.]
3- Exaggerating their own importance, achievements, and talents—-where do we even start with this one?!!!!—Hmnn Let’s see taken from his about page on Facebook—
Jay Scott Berry Is recognized as one of the World’s Finest Magicians. He is an undisputed Master of The Toppit, the Thumb Tip, the Finger Shell, The Ring and Ribbon, Dry Ice Magic, Silk Magic and much more. His signature Close-up and Stage performances are regularly called “The closest to Real Magic that you will ever see!”. His relentless pursuit of Excellence in the Art has earned him a seat alongside the All-Time Greats.
4- Imagining unrealistic fantasies of success, beauty, power, intelligence, or romance.
See number three above–Right before the trip to Malaysia Jay announced to myself, his publicist and his radio promotion guy that the next project he wanted to focus on was getting a Grammy nomination……..what?!!!….seriously?!!!!
Yes, he was dead serious. Here is a man whose complained that he had only sold two c.d’s ( I bought one of them because when he asked me to work with him as his manager on music I wanted to have an idea of what I was getting involved with) and wants to get a Grammy nomination. Not only that be he wants to record, Long Away, Far Away (remember the song he wrote about our romance as teenagers 30 years ago) with Celine Dion.
Again, I will tell you that he was dead serious about all of this.
He told his publicists that he wanted to focus on marketing him as a sexy romantic man. SIGH……ok I saw the young man of 30 years ago when I made love to him in the dark–but what I fantasized and what the general public would buy were two different things.
He told me that he wanted me to get him sponsorship with Levi Jeans–my blunt response–, “What?..your ass is too skinny–have you seen models for jeans adds? I like your skinny ass but I don’t think it would work for jeans.” Truthfully I don’t think he even responded to that one–but it most likely put another nail in the coffin of our relationship because that would have been a criticism.
And that brings us to 5- the need for constant adoration. Yes, I can be adoring if my needs are getting met. But I am also in your face truthful.
That combination is like gasoline and a spark–explosive when involved with a narcissist.
Also refer back to Mayr’s Story, http://ivonnemontijo.wordpress.com/2013/01/18/the-first-wifes-club-mayrs-story-part-two/ when the baby was born and she had to be a mommy and did not have the same amount of time for Jay is when he started his search for the next, Stepford Wife, http://ivonnemontijo.wordpress.com/2013/01/16/the-stepford-wives/ .
6- Jealousy- narcs don’t get jealous like normal people. It’s more about getting pissed off and angry at anything that can take the attention off of them.
7-Lacking empathy and disregarding the feelings of others–Uhm..just go back and read all the post regarding Jay Scott Berry
8- Being obsessed with oneself—Refer to #7
9- Pursuing mainly selfish goals—- Refer to #7
10- Trouble keeping healthy relationships—-serial cheater–seriously, refer to #7 but just to elaborate here is Jay’s relationship timeline—
His high school girl friend, Diane leaves him for another man–and apparently broke his heart–oh that explains a lot. Diane is currently friends with JSB on face book and apparently buys into all his propaganda. Actually she is a source of narcissitic supply for him.
30 years ago cheats on Ivonne with Belle—
cheats on Belle with Caroline, Joyce and Mayr,
cheats on Mayr with Japanese translator, Darla and Lisa his current wife,
cheats on Lisa with a female magician in New York (don’t have her name),
cheats on Lisa with Ivonne (yes, that would be moi–but you all know that by know) and if my women’s intuition is correct also recently had an affair with Mori when he was booked in New Caledonia, this past August 2012—-need I say more?!!!
cheats on Lisa with a 20 something year old as of Oct 2012.
11- Becoming easily hurt and rejected–Narcs play the victim. Jay is no different. He had told me that Mayr was crazy and has a really bad temper–
I’m thinking you’re still alive her temper can’t be that bad because I would have killed his skinny ass if I had been married to him for 12 years.
He told me that Belle destroyed his promotional materials–the truth is she took them and told him he could buy them back–they were in business together (sound familiar?)He cheated on her–what the hell did he expect?
Mayr ripped his baby daughter out of his hands (hmnn I never really did buy this story). The truth was that he went to live in Scotland with Lisa, his new girlfriend and then moved to Australia with her.
Nobody ripped his baby out of his hands–he abandoned her and moved to the opposite end of the Earth to be with his new girlfriend.
12-Setting goals that are unrealistic–see #4 wanting to get a Grammy.
13- Wanting “the best” of everything–Yes, Jay had the best of everything. Jay lives on a 100 acre ranch in Australia–He writes about it on Facebook–he takes pictures of the views. This was one of the reasons I thought he had been successful in magic, but I was wrong. Jay does not own the property at all.
Nope, he and his current wife Lisa rent the property from the Australian Crown. Don’t ask me how I know that–but I can be a really good detective
The narcissist rarely accumulates wealth, property, assets, or possessions.
Vaknin, Sam (2007-10-20). Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited – The Essay (Kindle Locations 2585-2586). Narcissus Publications. Kindle Edition.
14-Appearing unemotional—-This statement really needs to say–has no real emotions. Sandra L Brown states that:
“Portions of their emotional spectrum are deficient of emotions they cannot experience or have a reduced capacity to feel (such as empathy, conscience, remorse, fear, sadness and disgust).” (p 63)
The narcissist is not capable of really loving anyone. What they are capable of is mimicking and parroting human emotions to suit whatever the current agenda is at the moment.
To conclude, “the narcissist cannot form a stable marital relationship, or reasonably devote himself to his family, or maintain an ongoing business, or reside in one place for long, or dedicate himself to a single profession or to one career, or complete his academic studies, [ Ivonne's note Jay is a High School drop-out.] or accumulate material wealth.”
Vaknin, Sam (2007-10-20). Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited – The Essay (Kindle Locations 1958-1960). Narcissus Publications. Kindle Edition.
“He projects to others a confabulated, fictitious version of himself, known as the False Self. The False Self is everything the narcissist is not: omniscient, omnipotent, charming, intelligent, rich, or well-connected. The narcissist then proceeds to harvest reactions to this projected image from family members, friends, co-workers, neighbours, business partners and social milieu, or from colleagues. If these – the adulation, admiration, attention, fear, respect, applause, affirmation – are not forthcoming, the narcissist demands them, or extorts them. Money, compliments, a favourable critique, an appearance in the media, a sexual encounter are all transformed into the same currency in the narcissist’s mind. This currency is what I call Narcissistic Supply (NS).”
Vaknin, Sam (2007-10-20). Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited – The Essay (Kindle Locations 2878-2887). Narcissus Publications. Kindle Edition.