dark chocolate covered pretzels


…dark chocolate covered pretzels are my latest addiction..it can be the total lack of romantic “activity” in my life that is pushing me to chocolate ….

well to be quite honest chocolate is always on the menu regardless of what is going on in my life….

there are yogurt covered pretzels, milk chocolate covered pretzels but the only satisfying covered pretzil for me is “dark chocolate covered pretzels”.

I buy them at Trader Joes, and if they ever discount them I will lead a public protest.  You know how you love an item at Trader Joes and then one day it’s not on the shelves and then you find out it’s been discontinued… URGHHH!!!!!!

There is something about the bittersweet dark chocolate combined with the saltiness of the pretzel that is just so yummmyyyyyy…

So, for now chocolate will have to be my substitute for “romantic activity”, she writes with a mouth full of chocolate pretzel…..

for those of you who read the previous post on dark chocolate below is the photo of the Dali painting made out of chocolate…..

A Yellow Rose Day…..

A long time ago, in the time when my now ex-husband and I were dating and it was all new and good I had what I call to this day a, a yellow rose, kind of day.

It was summer in the valley and it was hot.  Robert and I both did children’s entertainment and when it is 100 degrees plus in the valley it can get really rough.  It was one of those long, long  hot days.

When I got home there was a yellow rose taped to the front door with a note attached.

It was a note from Robert saying, that he knew my day was hard and that he was thinking of me.  That is one of my fondest memories of my relationship with Robert.  Receiving that yellow rose really made all the difference in the world to me.  All of sudden the day was not so bad.

Too this day whenever I’m having a rough day I say, “it’s a yellow rose day”.

When I moved into Long Beach I bought some plants, one being a rose plant.  I had it in pot in the sun but it wasn’t doing well.  I decided to plant it in the dirt to see if it would do any better.

Well, the plant didn’t die but no flowers bloomed on it. Quite honestly it has been two years and I thought it would have died by now.  I have a black thumb not a green thumb.

Well a couple of weeks ago, I noticed one little tiny bud finally growing on the rose plant.  The bud blossomed.

And it was a yellow rose.  In that moment I felt all the joy I did years ago when Robert left me a yellow rose, knowing that someone was thinking of me.

In that moment I felt peace because it felt like God was sending me the message that he/she was looking out for me, that I was not alone. 

In that moment, that yellow rose bud brought me a moment of peace, serenity and security.

…weeds & flowers……


Where I live the dirt is so fertile that weeds and wild things grow rampant.

There is this ugly, tall thing growing furiously out front.  I keep meaning to go out there and pull it up.

Well a funny thing happened, almost overnight, this tall ugly thing had the most beautiful pink flowers blossoming on it.

Wow…I was amazed.  Here I thought thing was merely an ugly weed, when in reality it was a flower waiting to bloom.

Our relationships are like that plant.  There are some that we judge to be merely weeds, but if we give them time, we will see that they are really flowers.

And some that we think are precious flowers are merely no more than stink weed.

Given time and discernment you will able to know which is a flower and which is a weed.

…..missing jackson….





Ok , so today I have found myself missing Jackson.

You remember him the young man who I took to my ex-husbands wedding and two weeks later tells me that he is having sex with someone else and then brought that person to my christmas party without asking me if it would be okay.

Why, in hell am I missing him?, you ask…

Well , I think I am really missing the fantasy of what we could have been.

I am missing the places I thought we would get to go to.

I am missing the life I thought we could have had if things had turned out differently.

It could be hormonal or maybe I am just feeling horny-sex was really great with him, but that’s not it.

I am missing the conversations we had about religion, life, the world.

I am missing the sound of his voice, the smell of his hair.

I am missing how sweet and safe  it felt to fall asleep in his arms.

How is it that we can miss someone so much, who most likely is not giving us a second thought.

So, tonight my heart ouches for the man who I still care so very much about……….

Dark Chocolate

…there is nothing better than the deep, rich taste of dark chocolate melting in your mouth.

What is it about chocolate that calls out to me in good times, in bad times and in times of stress and any time in between.

Chocolate comes to us from Mesoamerica. The Nahuatl word is xocolatl and is truly the drink and the gift of the gods.  The best cup of hot chocolate that I have ever had was in Playa del Carmen, at the Ah Cacao, chocolate cafe.  It was like drinking chocolate gold and was absolutely exquisite.

And if you happen to be in Barcelona, Spain, then you must check out the Chocolate Museum, where all the works of art and sculptures are made out of chocolate. Of course, they also have a chocolate shop where you can buy rich, rich,deep chocolate as well.  My favorite was the portrait of Dali done in shades of chocolate.

It was not until the Spanish conquest of Mexico that chocolate was introduced into Europe.

Dark chocolate has a substantial amount of antioxidants and has been much promoted recently for its health benefits.

Chocolate also contains alkaloids such as theobromine and phenethylamine, which produces psychological effects and makes you feel good.

Romantic love lore identifies chocolate as an aphrodisiac. The reputed aphrodisiac qualities of chocolate are most often associated with the simple sensual pleasure of its consumption. It could very well be those alkaloids at work.

Giving chocolate has become a familiar courtship ritual.

What would Valentine’s Day be without a heart-shaped box of chocolates or Easter without a chocolate bunny.

And there is nothing better than a box of rich, dark chocolate after a break-up.

And who hasn’t read, Roald Dahl’s book, Charlie and the Chocolate  Factory, and hasn’t fantasized about being a child on that journey?

The gods most definitely gave us a gift in Cacao.

And so I will continue to consume deep, rich, dark chocolate as I await  the arrival of my beloved.




We are all here because in some form or another we need healing in the area of our relationships.  We are seeking a connection to others but what is Intimacy?  What is it that we are seeing when we look for intimacy with others? 

 In the film, “Jerry Maguire”, Tom Cruise says ,”You complete me” and when I first heard that line I thought yes, how romantic but I have since learned otherwise. It takes two whole, healed and complete beings unto themselves to come together and then they can form an intimate relationship with each other. 

 When I worked on a Bank of America commercial the make-up artist said to me that “Intimacy” means IN-TO-ME-SEE. Intimacy is when we can expose ourselves, our heart, our soul, our fears, and  our dreams to another human being knowing that we will be received for who we really are. 

And isn’t that what we ultimately desire in our intimate relationships, to be really seen by our intimate partner?

In the film, “Avatar”, the NaVi express feelings of love by saying, “I see you”, which makes a lot more sense to me than, “You complete me”.

When we look to someone else to complete us there are gaps in us and parts of our self that remain unfulfilled.  So when the other disappears or is sick or is unable to be there we feel pain.  But that pain isn’t inflicted by the other partner. That is the pain that has always been there that never got healed inside of us.  We thought it had gone away because our relationship became the bandage, our crutch. 

 So how can we be intimate with another human when we can not even be intimate with ourselves?  That is the first step in having intimacy with another person.  We have to be intimate with ourselves first.  We have to heal our pains and hurts first.  We have to face our own soul and that is the hardest part on the journey towards healing.

 So let’s pray for courage, for wisdom, for self-knowledge, for self forgiveness so that we can be healed and bring light into all our relationships.

love & light


Taking small steps on the journey…


So, I decide to take this intentional journey to attract my soul mate.  To be conscious of my relationships, my thoughts and my feelings to keep me focused on my path.

But where do I start?  What are my resources?  One of the things I realized is that my friends are my resources.  They are my resources for play, for spirit, for camaraderie, for conversation, for challenges to my intellect.  But I am such a workaholic that I don’t make time for my friends.

How could I possibly draw a soul mate relationship into my life if I don’t even make time for the friends that I do have?

But that is not the only dilemma I have regarding my friends.  You see, most of my friends are the people who I work with, who are also friends of my ex-husband. I realized this when I was at his wedding.

In order for me to move on and move forward not only did I have to make time for my friends but I had to make new friends as well.

When there is a divorce it is good to be on friendly terms, especially if you are in the same line of work and are friends with a lot of the same people.

But it is not really emotionally healthy. At least, not for me.

A friend of mine invited me to karaoke at a bar and I went in the attempt to expand my circle of friends and I even sang–of course I did apologize to all those at the bar–singing is not my thing.  Well, I love to sing in the privacy of my home and it really should be kept that way.

Realization number two- do I really want to meet someone who hangs out at bars and drinks?–not my thing either.

So, here’s the thing.  You have to have a full life in order to bring in your desired other.

My other can not be the sole source of my fun-my laughter-my downtime-or any thing else.

Life does not wait for the perfect moment or the perfect person to begin but when you consciously begin to have your life I believe the perfect person for you will show up.

So tomorrow, I am off to LACMA with two of my guy friends, my hang out buddies and we get to meet one of the guy’s new girl friend–the first one of our little group to have a significant other.

And I get to see some great art—and who knows what else or who else might transpire on a day amongst art, beauty and friends. 😉

 Love Note:

My beloved let me paint a picture of my love for you,

And in that work you will see

the stars, the universe,

my soul laid bare,

and my heart embracing your soul….

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