…..missing jackson….





Ok , so today I have found myself missing Jackson.

You remember him the young man who I took to my ex-husbands wedding and two weeks later tells me that he is having sex with someone else and then brought that person to my christmas party without asking me if it would be okay.

Why, in hell am I missing him?, you ask…

Well , I think I am really missing the fantasy of what we could have been.

I am missing the places I thought we would get to go to.

I am missing the life I thought we could have had if things had turned out differently.

It could be hormonal or maybe I am just feeling horny-sex was really great with him, but that’s not it.

I am missing the conversations we had about religion, life, the world.

I am missing the sound of his voice, the smell of his hair.

I am missing how sweet and safe  it felt to fall asleep in his arms.

How is it that we can miss someone so much, who most likely is not giving us a second thought.

So, tonight my heart ouches for the man who I still care so very much about……….

10 Responses to “…..missing jackson….”

  1. Dan Says:

    It’s an interesting phenomenon. Neurologists have placed the feeling of love along the same chemical reactions as familiarity. Heart break often results in a stimulus of actual physical pain. It’s a strange thing. I was with a woman I loved very much for 2 and a half years, and that ended more than two years ago and I still catch myself thinking of her every now and then, differently than I did but none-the-less still there. But life goes on, I suppose, to greater loves and greater purposes.

    • Sex, Spirit & Soul Mates....Ivonne's Journey Says:

      you are so right…I am very much fascinated by neurology and how body chemistry affects our feelings…..if they came up with an anti-depressant pill- why can’t they come up with an anti-love pill…

      the hard part I guess is waiting for those greater loves and greater purposes to manifest in our live 🙂

  2. Alma Says:

    My Book and course “How to Find Your Ideal Mate” will help you with this if you’re interested.

    • charlene Says:

      I agree with Dan-greater loves and greater purposes. You are meant for something greater, Ivonne.

      • Sex, Spirit & Soul Mates....Ivonne's Journey Says:

        ..thank you Charlene,

        my friends are awesome…..

  3. Lisa Says:

    Ahhhh yes…..Is it the Oxytocin?
    The hormone of Love, and Attachment? The poison running in our veins that clouds all judgment and reason. It is amazing how deeply it affects us! I remember literally feeling like my heart was breaking….being ripped out of my chest. And now when I look back on the relationship I was so devistated over …I can’t believe how blind I was! If I had made a list of the pro’s and con’s of the relationship and how it really made me feel…I would have left years earlier. But I was addicted to the hope and potential of the great love that could have been. It was just my fantasy. He was no where near on the same wavelength. The more I tried to please him the worse the relationship became. Finally it became abusive and I had to get out. I was still madly in Love… or so I thought.

    I decided to take time off from dating and just see what it was that I wanted. Just be by myself, without a man to please or take care of….and find out what it was that I needed.

    It was the best thing I ever did.
    I traveled all over the world, took up hobbies that I liked…but he never would have wanted to do. And became completely happy all by myself.
    No worrying, no sadness, no more disappiontments, no unrealistic expectations….just peacefulness.
    Life is so much better now….
    and I can look back at that relationship with love and forgiveness…and I finally realized that you can’t rely on another person to make you happy…it really does come from within.

    • Sex, Spirit & Soul Mates....Ivonne's Journey Says:

      I like how you refer to oxytocin as being a posion that runs through our veins…..

      and yes you are correct, Lisa, love really does come from within.

      And your life must first be lived as a happy individual before you can really have a healthy partnership…

      ah but the nostalgia (sp?) of what could have beens, should have beens…

      does give us nice moments of fantasy doesn’t it?


  4. dreamskape Says:

    I totally can relate to this because I am feeling the same tonight.
    He is online but I cannot bring myself to speak to him, so I won’t.
    I asked him to give me time and he has done just this, and I am not sure what I want anyway …

    I loved the poem you wrote in your reply … Thank You.

  5. Sex, Spirit & Soul Mates....Ivonne's Journey Says:

    Yes, I had to “unfriend” Jackson on my fb because I also was tempted to say hi to him. It has been 6 months and I still think about him…what can you do? I am open to meeting someone new…hopefully my mr. right will appear soon……


  6. notjustagranny Says:

    ahhh!! how hard for you 😦 Yeah it is tough. i fell madly in love with a wonderful man…..25 years my senior. we had a wonderful 6 months together, got engaged etc but it was a long distance love-affair and he could not keep up with the pace. i am still a gad-about and he wanted to relax in the sun. so we parted company 3 years back, still in touch via emails, but i do miss him loads. esp his laugh and sense of humour. soul-mates? not sure. we had a load of fun together and i rejoice in that and thank god we had that time together. perhaps in a next life!!

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