“Hit and Runs”.

 

I learned a new idiom the other night, or rather I should say in the early morning hours.

Vampire time, where our weaknesses rise up to tempt us and seduce us.

I did something really stupid at 2:00 AM.  I sent a text message to Jackson.  Like I said it was a stupid thing to do, but there may be a good lesson in it for me.

This is the message I sent him:

Ivonne: It is in these late hours that temptation besieges me…”.

The rest of the conversation transpired as follows:

Jackson: Yikes!”.

Ivonne: ” it is also when my soul opens and I write my best….”

Jackson:”How humble! You are like Jesus”.

Ivonne:”no I don’t walk on water”.

Ivonne:””yeah, why would you respond yikes…that was kinda rude”.

Jackson:”Guys don’t have common sense. Lo siento”.

Ivonne:” and you certainly know how to kill a mood”.

Jackson:” Was supposed to be funny but only I laughed”.

Ivonne:” apparently..why r u doing up at his hour?”.

Jackson:” Reading and you?”

Ivonne:” besides being a little horny…”.

Ivonne:” doing paperwork…”.

Jackson:” A little?”

Ivonne:” ok a lot f____ing horny”.

Jackson: ” well where are your other mid-20’s guys?”

Ivonne: lol..I don’t sleep around..no other men young or old”

Ivonne:” and I don’t waste time with 20 something’s..u were the exception”.

Jackson:’ I am honored”.

Ivonne:”but still wasted my time with u”

Ivonne:’oh god..is that all you can say”.

Jackson:” Someone is touchy tonight”.

Ivonne:” right,it’s called being horny and no outlet…duh”

Ivonne: good night..sorry if I bothered u”

Jackson:” Sorry I am useless”.

Ivonne:’ why do u say u r useless”.

Jackson:”I can’t assist you”.

Ivonne:”wasn’t expecting you to”.

Jackson:”Just teasing?”

Ivonne:” not teasing but I understand that you have a girlfriend…there was a time you would flirt back…”.

Jackson:” Plus ‘hit and runs’ are bad emotionally”

Ivonne:” not sure what hits and run r”.

Jackson: “sex and nada mas”.

Ivonne:”shouldn’t you have considered that b4 u had sex with me?”

…there was no response after that.

The next morning I sent the following text;

Ivonne: ” btw, last night was not about sex…it was about intimacy and desiring to connect on a soul level”.

Jackson did not respond to that either.

Like I said when I started it was a stupid thing to do.

I was not horny, not even close.  I was exhausted and tired from a long working weekend.  I was not horny. I was missing him, but it was easier to say that I was horny because to admit that I still cared I could not do.

It wasn’t about the sex.  It was about him….but I felt dirty..violated …when he said “hit and runs”.

This very ugly realization occurred to me, “Is that all I was?”

a hit and run..so he never cared about me..never saw me as a person? 

So, all he saw was an older women who he assumed slept around because he was younger..wow I was stunned…..that really hurt.

I’m done.  I have never felt so bad in any relationship as I do now.  Not even the ex-husband or the ex-boyfriend before Jackson made me feel this bad.

Three psychics have told me that he would come back, but now I just don’t know.  I don’t know if I would want him back.  I know I deserve so much better than this.

So, I think that was the blessing for me. I think I can finally let go and open my heart to someone who is going to love me, mind, body, heart and soul, as i want to love them.

Growing up hurts…….. 😦

20 Responses to ““Hit and Runs”.”

  1. markbyrd Says:

    May GOD Bless you Ivonne!!! Mark

    • Sex, Spirit & Soul Mates....Ivonne's Journey Says:

      thank you for stopping by and reading my blog and your words of inspiration…much appreciated.

      🙂

      ivonne

  2. Yana Toyota Says:

    Very interesting train of thought

  3. JFont Says:

    I like your blog.

  4. Sex, Spirit & Soul Mates....Ivonne's Journey Says:

    thank you Joshua for stopping by and reading my blog….

    🙂

    ivonne

  5. Lucas Says:

    Hola Ivonne,

    Me causo curiosidad que me hayas escrito, es decir, por lo general me contactas de vez en cuando, aunque me complace un monton saber de vos y Missy cada vez que lo haces. Es mas, te debo una visita, soy un flojo….
    Lei tu blog, y hay algo que le vengo diciendo a todas mis amig@s, todos esperan lo mejor de los demas y piden esto y lo otro “quiero que sea honest@, inteligente, compañer@, bla bla bla!”.
    Alguna vez pediste un maletin lleno de dinero? Seguramente…todos pedimos bolsas de dinero.
    Alguna vez llegaste a la puerta de tu casa y estaba ahi esperandote? No lo creo…
    Con el amor y las relaciones es aun mas complicado aunque parezca mentira.
    Me duele saber que una persona divina como vos no sea correspondida como merece, Ivonne.
    Si tuviese un alma gemela te la regalaria para que fueses feliz, porque creo que te lo mereces.
    Ahora, como amigo, y con la mejor predisposicion de ser parte de que lleves una vida mejor te doy un tip que a mi me sirvio, de ahi en mas que lo quieras poner en practica o no dependera de vos.
    Antes que nada y como preludio, a mi, mis relaciones afectivas han crecido enormemente, tengo una relacion de amor de 13 años y hasta podria regodearme (bluff [?}) que, encima si quisiera tengo DOS medias naranjas, es decir, tengo una pareja (Ale) y me reencontre con quien fue mi primer amor en Argentina, y si bien no paso nada, los dos sabemos que ese amor esta ahi latente, tal vez algun dia sera mutuamente correspondido…o no…pero esta ahi y por ahora es una hermosisima amistad que recupere despues de 18 años.
    En fin, lo que me ha servido a mi y aun lo sigo practicando es meditacion, sino me equivoco vos sos una persona que ha incursionado en este tipo de cosas, pero si te pasa lo que te paso, puede ser porque aun no profundizaste tu proceso de espiritualidad y reconocimiento interno y de los demas, es lo que me parece, pero puedo estar equivocado.
    Porque te digo esto? porque creo que teniendo un fuerte balance emocional y espiritual, las conexiones se presentan como “por arte de magia”.
    Te repito, mientras hay gente aun buscando su verdadero amor, yo lo encontre primero a los 14, lo obtuve a los 24 y encima lo reencontre a los 34! Tengo dos medias naranjas, aunque solo puedo estar con una sola!
    Me explico? Nena, vos sos una persona encantadora, bonita y con muy buenos sentimientos. Lamentablemente esa no es la formula para estar bien acompañada. La formula es conocerce muchisimo, lo mas posible y conocer como se maneja la gente en general. No es facil, pero el resultado es que, cuando te cruces con alguien ya vas a tener una mejor idea de para qué puede dar esa relacion, si para una buena noche o para algo mas.
    Tengo un libro (en español) que habla de como se maneja la gente y como uno puede adelantarse a los demas, que me ha servido mucho, muchisimo. Es de Dale Carnegie, tal vez lo conozcas.
    Lo tengo en mi email y con gusto te lo puedo pasar. Lo podes leer desde la compu (lo cual recomiendo para no gastar en papel) o imprimirlo (usando papel recliclado).

    Espero no haberte molestado con mi email, pero me has compartido cuando trabajamos juntos, un poco de tu vida privada y se que (una vez mas) te mereces ser feliz, jamas creas por un instante que no lo mereces, te lo mereces Ivonne!

    Cualquier cosa llamame, no tengas vergüenza, mi amistad no la ofrezco solo en las buenas…

    Besos y todo mi amor para Missy!!!!

    • Sex, Spirit & Soul Mates....Ivonne's Journey Says:

      gracias, Lucas, agradesco mucho tus palabras bellas..y missy te manda un beso y un abrazo…tambien a las iguanas…

      🙂

      ivonne

  6. youmissme Says:

    Nice blog. I hate those post-relationship conversations!

  7. David Stein Says:

    Don’t let anything he says take you down Ivonne. We all have our moments of weakness, however, it is what we do to overcome them that matters most. You are a strong woman and an amazing human being, never forget that.

    Dave .

  8. Sex, Spirit & Soul Mates....Ivonne's Journey Says:

    thank you,

    I certainly appreciate your support and friendship…but why can’t he see that I am amazing?

    😉

    ivonne

  9. appleblossomgirl Says:

    hey ivonne,
    I’m sorry for the late reply, my internet didn’t work the last weeks. 😦 I am sure that there will come somebody who will appreciate and love you just how you are and hopefully you will love him in return. 🙂 I know (or at least I can imagine) that letting go of Jackson is not that easy, but I think you should try to move on. Maybe he will come back, maybe not- who knows. But waisting your time waiting for his comeback is really WAISTING your precious time, which you could fill with lots of joyful memories.
    I am sure you can move on and hope you will! 😀
    Best wishes from your little appleblossom 🙂

  10. Sex, Spirit & Soul Mates....Ivonne's Journey Says:

    dear appleblossom,

    thank you for your kind words, you are such a sweetie….and you are so reight it’s time to move on…my brain says move on but then my heart starts going,…but maybe..maybe….although honestly, I don’t know if I would want him at this point….hopefully mr. wonderful-love of my life..will show up soon…

    ;

    ivonne

  11. dreamskape Says:

    Isn’t he lovely? 😦 I am so sorry he said this to you. Sometimes I don’t think males think except with their penis … No one deserves that. So sorry again xx

  12. armandogt Says:

    In the it’s just a bad combination of expectations and amour-propre. But it can actually cause terrible injuries…

    http://imaginarybeing.wordpress.com/

  13. goosenoose Says:

    i think this conflict is beautiful.

    thanks.

    -r

    • Sex, Spirit & Soul Mates....Ivonne's Journey Says:

      beautiful…hmnnn in what sense of the word?

  14. radaronelson Says:

    This guy sounds like a douche. I hope you aren’t talking with him anymore.

    • Sex, Spirit, Soul Mates and Chocolate....Ivonne's Journey Says:

      hell no!!!!

      • radaronelson Says:

        Good, because I do have a black belt in Buda-shin Tae-Kwon and I’d be more then happy to give him a few “lessons”

        • Sex, Spirit, Soul Mates and Chocolate....Ivonne's Journey Says:

          Thank you b ut he is so not worth it…however I wouldn’t mind if you gave a few lessons to Jay Scott Berry—now that would be worth it. That is one man that is in dire need of an ass whopping!!!!!


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