Pro Life or Pro Choice……


Our country seems to be divided on this issue. But, Is it possible to be both pro-life and pro-choice?  I think so.   In order to explain that paradoxical statement I will have to tell you a story…my story….few people know this story.  It is something that is not easily shared with the world.

You see most people seem to think that when a woman makes a choice to have an abortion that it is done candidly and light-hearted.  And that once the act is committed you never think about it again…but that is not true.

My very first T.V acting job was in a CBS Afterschool Special called,” I think I’m Having a Baby”.  Jennifer Jason Leigh played the lead and I was one of the classmates along with Ally Sheedy.  One of my lines was, “Abortion is just another word for murder”.  And at the age of 17 I really believed that. 

And then I was 19 and found out I was pregnant.  My boyfriend said to me that if I had the baby I would never see him again—nice huh?  We had only been dating 3 months but it was long enough for me to get pregnant.  In those days I used the diaphragm–not the most effective birth control as you can see.

I went to the doctor office on a Friday—I was 8 weeks pregnant . If I wanted an abortion it had to be on Monday or I could not have it.  I was in shock and my actions were pretty robotic. I made an appointment for Monday.

What did my mother say?  She said nothing. She was with me at the doctor’s office and she said absolutely nothing one way or the other.

I was alone…emotionally alone.  My mother had moved out and took my younger sister to live with her and her boyfriend and had left me with my aunt and my aunt’s nephew.  My Catholic grandmother lived next door, and my uncle lived next door to her and my other uncle lived in the house next door.  No one had known that I had a boyfriend, let alone that I was pregnant.

And so my mother said nothing.  Monday came my boyfriend picked me up and we went to the hospital. That was over 28 years ago and to this day I can picture the lobby, the waiting room—sitting there waiting for my name to be called as if I was waiting for the executioner and I was. 

I did not want to be there.  I did not want to have the abortion.  I just wanted to run away but instead I asked my boyfriend if he was sure about this? He, of course said yes.  I would have been so happy if he had so no, let’s go but that was not the case.  And my name was called—and off to the gallows I went……TO BE CONTINUED

6 Responses to “Pro Life or Pro Choice……”

  1. jessmittens Says:

    If there is one good thing about abortion becoming more spoken of, it’s that girls who are in similar situations to what you were are more likely to have someone to be there with them emotionally.
    Thank you for sharing you story, and I realise that you wrote this 2 years ago but the pro choice tag caught my eye. I also agree that you can be both pro-life and pro-choice – it’s too much of a complex, deep, case-by-case issue that you can’t really be just one or the other.

    • Sex, Spirit, Soul Mates and Chocolate....Ivonne's Journey Says:

      Thank you for stopping by the blog. Really it seems that the only way to be pro-life is to ensure that a mother and her child have options and support after the child is born. At the age of 19 I had none and knew I was ill-equipped to be a mother. I also knew I would not be able to give up a baby if I had carried to term. It is a very complex issue but I do belive that all women must have the right to chose for themselves. The thing is that no one talks about the consequences of either choice, which always lives with you no matter what.

      • jessmittens Says:

        I agree completely. I hope that people who protest at abortion clinics or write off women who have had the procedure as sinners and etc etc realise that they can use their feelings and power to help a woman after she’s had a baby cope by giving them the support they need to continue a pregnancy.
        I like that (black humoured) joke about pro-lifers only liking you as a feutus, but once you’re a proper person you’re on your own – especially if you’re gay.
        So true! Anyway, well done on sharing all this.

  2. R is for Reflections…… « Sex, Spirit, Soul Mates and Chocolate….Ivonne's Journey Says:

    […] Feb 1981-Meet New boyfriend–pregnant and having an abortion 3 months later. see post […]

  3. Shannygirl Says:

    I went with my sister when she had her abortion. I was like 13 at the time and I can remember the waiting room, the picketers outside screaming at us when we went in.. the smell in the office… and waiting for them to call her name. I’ll never forget it. I couldn’t imagine doing it on my own… you are a strong amazing woman..

  4. Sex, Spirit, Soul Mates and Chocolate....Ivonne's Journey Says:

    It’s a sucky experience and I think the only reason a woman has an abortion is because there is no other way and no support for her.

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