…What was I thinking? !!!


We have all been there, that glorious part of a break-up where all the effects of oxytocin have worn off and the fantasy bubble finally burst.

It is like the sun bursting through the clouds after a storm, warm welcoming rays of light with iridescent rainbows in the background.

The moment we realize we are finally free and no longer a slave to the imagination inside of our hearts.

I finally got there. I finally got over Jackson!!!!  And all I can say to myself is, ” What the heck was I thinking”?

As as you travel through life you will discover that people who you thought were real, really weren’t…that they were fakes and phonies and the only thing that made them into real people was your belief in them…what you thought was the good in them and it turns out the good was only in your mind?

You see I thought Jackson was this great guy in the beginning, that I had seen his heart and maybe to some people he does have a heart (to be fair) but where I was concerned it was more like heart-less.

At first I was hurt.  I wanted to believe the three, count them three psychics that had said that he would be back.

And then I got angry.

I have gotten past the anger and now I am simply at, what was I thinking?

I think that there is a disconnect between the heart and brain when you think you care for someone based on imaginary factors.

I don’t know if guys do this but women certainly do.  We plan out a whole future based on a few dates, a few possibilities.

It is the imagination and heart run amuck.  The beauty of it is that this is a temporary condition, somewhat akin to temporary transient amnesia where one temporarily loses one’s mind in which all you can remember is nothingness.

And when you come out of that black void you ask yourself, what was I thinking?  That is when you know you have been cured and your heart now displays a vacant sign.

A vacant sign that hopefully the right man will occupy!!!

Posted in love. Tags: , . 11 Comments »

11 Responses to “…What was I thinking? !!!”

  1. Sage Says:

    They say there is a fine line between love and hate but once you become indifferent, that is when there is no turning back. I am very indifferent and I love it.
    I am like you, saying to myself, ‘what was I thinking …’ 🙂

  2. David Stein Says:

    Unfortunately sometimes we convince ourselves of the possibility of happiness. It is the illusion that we create that makes life miserable, when we start to forget what is real and what is falsified. In the end, all we can do is hope that we understand ourselves and realize no one else matters but “me.” I am glad you were able to move on from him, that the illusion of happiness was shattered, but now the fun part begins, trying to realize and comprehend with the reality of life and the fact that nothing is ever perfect.

  3. GentlemanPlayer Says:

    “It is like the sun bursting through the clouds after a storm, warm welcoming rays of light with iridescent rainbows in the background.” With a sentence like this, I’m sure you’ll be fine and you are!

    I think of tolerance when I read your post. Don’t get me wrong, tolerance is a great thing but sometimes you can “over” tolerate and you fail to realise the truth that is right under your nose.

    Do guys plan out a whole future based on a few dates, a few possibilities? As always it just depends on the person but personally for me, I like to take it date by date and to just enjoy it for what it has to offer. Ultimately a decision will need to made in terms of what happens next but you can never predict the future so why think about it in the present moment 😉

  4. glocalgirl Says:

    Hey sweets. Same girl, new blog. I hear you. I used to date this guy and he was okay. But after we broke up, he still wants to be friends. Which would be fine since I’m very very over him; unfortunately I realize how pretentious and arrogant he is. I guess love is blind. I’m just not sure why.

    • Sex, Spirit & Soul Mates....Ivonne's Journey Says:

      …love is blind for survial of the species because if women had the smart gene at work during dating, pro-creation would probably never occur.

      So God made it that women would get stupid when they meet a cute guy so that the poor guy stands a chance with us.



      • jeff Says:

        so says the lunatic in the clown suit! Bravo!!!

  5. kellilawless Says:

    Glad to hear that you made it thru the tunnel 🙂 Isn’t indifference a lovely place to be? Past the sad and angry and finally into the indifferent. Ahhh… peace.

    As for the psychics — he may indeed come back, only to find that you are O.V.E.R. him. 😉

    My friends and I used to use the sign analogy as well. That you are either hanging out the “Open” or “Closed” sign and that is what signifies to another person that you are cleared for approach. It’s pretty amazing how well our subconscious picks up on the signage. Perhaps Jackson just had a fake “open” sign out for you to believe in. *grin*

  6. appleblossomgirl Says:

    hey ivonne,

    first of all: I am really glad and happy for you that you are over Jackson now. 🙂 Now you can move on and get hit on by much more cooler, gentlier, nicer guys with better taste and real open feelings for you- feelings of true love. 😀
    I wish that you will find somebody like this soon and that you can support each other when one is feeling down and enjoy the happy moments.
    Secondly, I think I know what you are talking about in your post in general. I just had a similar behaviour recently with a freind of mine. I thought that maybe it could become more and started dreaming of us together. Random situations, nothing too special. But everytime I meet him I see more of him and I realize more and more that he’s not the type of guy I want to be with (I don’t want to sound arrogant now and he’s really nice, but just not my type..;))- not the guy I imagined him to be.
    Realizing this can hurt- it hurt me at least. Because I was thinking I finally found one person and then I lost him (in the way I was thinking we could be together). Wahh, this is getting very stange. I’m sorry if I bored you. Please don’t be disturbed by my weird thoughts.

    Again, I’m really happy for you. (:
    Best wishes from your little appleblossom ❤

  7. Sex, Spirit & Soul Mates....Ivonne's Journey Says:

    I totally understand what you mean. As women we look into the future and see the possibilities. And yes, there is a feeling of loss because you had planned this future possibility with what you thought was finally the one and then it turns out to be fake.

    I think what hurts is that we lost a potential. I don’t think the hurt is about the actual guy but more about what he represented for us.

    So, not weird thoughts at all. I get it.


  8. Doraz Says:

    What a story. This makes me really realize that asll we really have is one day at a time, and we should cherish each day… one step at a time. Love is great. I have been married for 25 years. It has been crazy..but cool. You find the right guy…you have many smiles to share. 🙂 Thanks for stopping in to my blog. Sorry your comment went to spam. Bad spam. lol 🙂

    • Sex, Spirit & Soul Mates....Ivonne's Journey Says:

      Dear Luisa,

      Thank you for stopping by my blog. Your post are a lovely way to start my morning, and they are always so positive. Than you for that. I am hopeful that at the right time I will meet the right guy. 🙂 And i am looking forward to spending the next 25 with him…….

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