Pandora’s Box…the effects of therapy….

 

 

The lid to the Pandora’s box of my psyche had been lifted and opened during my last set’s of therapy.

Hence, why I have not posted in a while because I have been processing.

Therapy can get redundant. I mean I go in this time to figure out what are the underlying-subconscious issues that are sabotaging my fertility and little did I expect for the same old-shit to come up.

Really, I just paid $800.00 (no heath insurance) to discover that I still have repressed anger at my dad, my mom, really?!!!!!

You’ve got to be kidding me. No, we are not kidding.  Anger, sadness, guilt-you name it, festers in the body, usually becomes some kind of cancer or dis-ease if not lived, experienced and purged from the body.

Turning the other cheek really does not work.  You can’t just let something go until you really feel all the hurt that belies the anger-guilt frustration etc…  If you are not feeling the love there is hurt somewhere that needs to be released.

But it was not childhood anger that I was feeling. It is recent anger from just four years ago. 

And maybe I will post my exposé/anger/grief in another post, but for now we will skip the details because they could incriminate me.

And to be fair and democratic mother is not guiltless either, but we will save that for the book.

Let’s just say I have spent the past couple of months reliving-remembering-releasing and most importantly realizing.

I realized I was tired, so damn tired.  Tired of being hurt.  Tired of being angry.  Tired of being physically tired because of all these emotions that were weighting-yes weighting me down (yet another future post).

I decided I was just done.  I have had enough. I am done giving my money away for therapy to always come up with the same answer–that I am still feeling hurt over something my mother-father-brother-ex-lover-ex-husband-ex-friend–you name it said or did to me.

I just got tired writing that.  That was the realization.

That is when I realized the meaning of “release and let go” as written about by great sages and mystics.  What Jesus really meant by “turning the other cheek”, what Buddha meant by not having “your emotions control you”.

If you hold onto the anger, the only person you really hurt is yourself.

And life goes on, and the people around you go on and yet there you are stuck in the muck and mire of your mind.

How many times, have we not read or at least I have read about forgiveness, releasing and letting go.

Funny thing is that this is not an intellectual idea.  I have always gotten it intellectually but I never felt it before.

It is hard to describe just what this feeling is. All I can say is that I was tired of being tired and hurt and in that moment a burden was lifted and I was compelled to book a trip to Hawaii instead (with my mom no less), I think to learn more about the healing practice of Ho’Opono…..to be continued

9 Responses to “Pandora’s Box…the effects of therapy….”

  1. blackwatertown Says:

    You have an intense blog.
    I’ll back you up on the release and let go, for no-one else’s benefit but your own.
    http://www.blackwatertown.wordpress.com

    • Sex, Spirit & Soul Mates....Ivonne's Journey Says:

      Thank you for stopping by my blog.

      I wil check yours out as well.
      🙂

      blessings

      Ivonne

  2. Sage Says:

    I had wondered where you had gotten to. Now I know 🙂 Glad to be reading you again.

    My mother always tells me if I keep being angry I lose out, no one else and for a time I used to think she was full of it, but no she was right.

    I’ve only just gotten over everything with S and I can’t explain that feeling of calm over me, but it’s there and I feel ready for the next adventure.

    I am actually going back in time and trying again with another S before the S I used to write about … Seeing where that goes but not expecting more then what it is.

    I can only say you do what makes you happy. That’s the only advice I’ll ever give anyone that I know will work in time.

  3. jeff Says:

    You clearly are a deluded narcissist. I enjoy reading your posts because they are comical and filled with the ramblings of a mentally ill individual who thinks they have magical powers and are in some way spiritual. Please keep them coming, these blogs are hilarious! For your sake, get real professional help before you hurt yourself.

    Cheers!

    • Sex, Spirit & Soul Mates....Ivonne's Journey Says:

      Dear Jeff,

      thank you so much for stopping by my Blog. Thanks also for seeing that my picture is a clown and that I don’t look like that every day. I am so glad that you are entertained by my postings. That is what an artist does, entertain afterall. And on some level that art has the capacity to reach some people’s soul and function as a transcendent medium.

      blessing to you, you are quite hysterical your self–started my day off with a good laugh….

      Ivonne

  4. Lisa Says:

    I have learned that everyone is struggling with their own personal journey, and if I sit around being hurt and offended by everything, or everyone who does me wrong….I’m gonna feel horrible and disappionted all the time. So I might as well let it go.

    If someone offends you….it’s Their problem. Something inside of them is not right. No one who feels good and happy about themselves will have the need to bring you or anyone else down. The only opinion of you that matters is our Source…..God. And God love us no matter what flaws we may carry around with us. If we learn to love more like God loves…..nothing will be hurtful to you anymore.

    That’s why we need to learn to see the struggles of those who hurt us….not as hateful, but as sadness in the one who is trying to harm you. Hurt people….Hurt people. Source….God is perfection. Perfect, forgiving, safe, wonderful, love.

  5. Sex, Spirit & Soul Mates....Ivonne's Journey Says:

    Great words of wisdom Lisa.
    🙂

  6. sparxychix Says:

    Hey Ivonne!

    First of all I think you are extremely brave for putting yourself out there! It takes a shit load of courage girl! I commend you for searching for peace within yourself… I find you neither a narcissist, delusional or thinking you have magic powers… just a girl looking for answers and attempting to heal some wounds… You go girl!

    There are many people that CAN relate to what you write… and those who can’t, well hey, I’m certain they got their own bag of shit they suppress and likely need to deal with at some point. But it’s much easier to hide behind being a jerk to others to make themselves feel better about themselves… Many people find “significance” in that… It’s all good! And rather hilarious in itself!

    Here is a great book you may want to check out:

    The Shadow Effect (by Deepak Chopra, Debbie Ford and Marianne Williamson).

    It’s an interesting read… You may want to pass it on to your friend Jeff when you’re done… it has his profile all over it! 🙂

    Hope you are making today FREAKIN’ AWESOME girl! You deserve it!

    • Sex, Spirit & Soul Mates....Ivonne's Journey Says:

      Hola,

      Thank you for the words of support and for stopping by my blog. I definately will get the book. I love Marianne Williamson. I don’t know who Jeff is but his comment gave me a choice, I could get affected and respond in like manner or I could see the irony of his comment versus what I just wrote about in the post. I chose to laugh it off and let it go and release…I figured the universe and the gods were having a sense of humor today…..lol

      blessings

      Ivonne


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