…break up rituals…..

 

Well, last Tuesday I went through that all familiar break-up ritual.

You know the one I am talking about—-where you gather up all the things he still has at your place and put them all into a box and you set a mutually agreed upon date in which you will exchange and return personal belongings.

It’s the official “we are broken up and you have no more excuses to contact me “ritual.

But really underneath all of that is the “this is my last chance to see if we can fix things”.

That is the hope, desire, fantasy that somehow when you see each other again–the one who ended it realizes that they still want and need you.  Or is it that I am the only one who has these kind of fantasies?

Needless, to say all we did on that day was exchange belongings.  I really did not want him to have an excuse to contact me.  And the reason, I didn’t want any convenient excuses is because deep down I do want him to contact me but I want it to be for me…not because he needs the tux he left at my place.  I am hoping that as time moves that I may do so as well.  This one is really tough for me because this wasn’t just any guy.  Oh no, he was the fantasy guy, the one I fell in love with when I was 18 and a virgin—-that guy!

You would think that after a guy cheats on you and leaves you for another woman 30 years prior that I would have learned my lessons.  Oh no,not me I seem to have to learn things the hard way.  So he was here for two hours and we chit chatted about anything and everything but not anything that matters.  I still love him.  I still care about him.  And yes, you are all correct he does not deserve me to love him–I know that.  I also know that I deserve better than how he has treated me now and 30 years ago.  But I can’t deny the ache he has left in my heart.  In the mean time I have written a song about the experience….enjoy…..

Boxes of Memories

You stopped on by to pick up the last of your things

you took your clothes…I gave you back the ring…

that all familiar break-up ritual that’s not so kind

but the one thing you left behind

was the ache in my heart

and all the dreams that fell apart

 

the picture frames….that beat up chair..

the way you used to tug my hair

the sweatshirt in the closet

that I would snuggle up to

that last little bit of you

reminders of all we had……

You stopped on by to pick up the last of your things

you took your clothes…I gave you back the ring…

that all familiar break-up ritual that’s not so kind

but the one thing you left behind

was the ache in my heart

and all the dreams that fell apart

 

Boxes full of things

don’t mean much to me

but tell me what should I do

with the boxes of memories

made by me and you…..

You stopped on by to pick up the last of your things

you took your clothes…I gave you back the ring…

that all familiar break-up ritual that’s not so kind

but the one thing you left behind

was the ache in my heart

and all the dreams that fell apart

I gave you all I had to give

but it wasn’t enough

to make you mine……

I’d do it all over again

but hope for a different end

I’d do it all over again

but hope for a different end

that comes with a heart filled with love

and boxes of dreams…….

~♥ ivonne p montijo ♥~© 2012

5 Responses to “…break up rituals…..”

  1. Mayrbear's Lair Says:

    This touched my heart … because I know this pain … the loss of a best friend … still feeling that loss too … but … find comfort in our daughter who is the BEST of everything of both of us … looking at the silver lining my friend … so much to be grateful for … and one of them is a new friend in you. Keep smiling and shining your light!

  2. Sex, Spirit, Soul Mates and Chocolate....Ivonne's Journey Says:

    Thank you for your kind words….I thought this person was my soul mate, but I think the person I was in love with doesn’t really exist. I don’t know if it’s because he was the first man I was ever with so long ago, that I still have feelings for him. I thought it was magical when he came back into my life after 30 years…but nothing changed. Then and now I lost out to another women—Ok I didn’t really “lose” but you know what I mean. You are lucky to have a daughter…I have my doggie missy–I give her all of my love. :). I am enjoying your blog as well.

    ivonne

  3. radaronelson Says:

    So that actually happens? You box it up and meet him to give him his stuff? Huh. You need to talk to my ex-girlfriend then cause she still has my shit. She was supposed to mail it and never did. I had over $300 worth of clothes at her place in Texas. Pisses me off to this day. That was 6 years ago this month.

    • Sex, Spirit, Soul Mates and Chocolate....Ivonne's Journey Says:

      Yes, he’s an ass but I am not so yes I kept his shit for him till he came into town to pick it up.

      ivonne

      • radaronelson Says:

        Such a nice woman.


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