Have you ever played the whack-a-mole game?  You know the one where you have a giant hammer and moles pop up from different holes really fast and you get points every time you whack a mole.

Well my life feels that way right now.  I wanted to do a happy update that Maddy’s eye was all better, and it was for a little over a week but then last Sunday the tear duct gland popped out and tomorrow we have an appointment with the eye specialist.  More money and a possible third surgery.

Not to even mention the living situation and the business issues I am also dealing with at the moment.


Well a couple of weeks ago I noticed a lump on my cat, Selena.  Since Maddy’s eye was still the primary concern I figured I would deal with the lump once that got settled.

Well Monday evening I noticed that there was a patch of exposed skin where the lump was.  I put some aloe vera on it and made a bandage as best as I could for a cat.

We just got back from the vet a bit ago.  The lump is malignant cancer and it has become ulcerated.  Because the lump seemed to appear out of nowhere 2 weeks ago the vet says it is a fast growing lump.  The prognosis is simply to make the cat comfortable.  He said something about weeks to months but really I think he did not want to say days or weeks.  Other than the lump Selena is fine and acting normal. She is eating, drinking and sleeping and laying in the sun like she normally does.  The fact that the lump is not bothering her was a symptom that it was malignant.  I am not sure how that works. It kind of confused me.  He gave her a shot of antibiotics, cleaned up the wound and put a pink bandage on her.  He also sent me home with pain medication for her.  She is not in pain now but it seems as the cancer grows and becomes invasive she will be.  I feel like I just want to hold her or put her in the piano room where the puppies can not bother room.  But that does not seem right as she loves to sit out on the patio in the sun.

I don’t want her to suffer and I also don’t want to have to put her to sleep.  And I don’t want to come back from a long day at work to find her passed away and that she died alone. I can only hope that she just dies peacefully in my arms as her brother Diamond did.

So there you have it. I have definitely been whacked upside the head.

Below is a picture of Selena with her pink bandage.



Ode to Lisa

Yesterday, one of God‘s angels, Lisa Haze was called back to  heaven.

She was a dear and beloved friend who lost her battle with cancer.  The funny thing about Lisa is that she never let on how seriously ill she was.  I got a clue last March when we were in Malaysia together  and she gave me pages of notes on her medications and doctors.

But being sick didn’t stop her from dreaming or planning for the future.

Lisa is one of those rare-good people who you are blessed to meet  in your life.  She called her company, “Happiness Unlimited” because she just wanted everybody to be happy.  I don’t think I ever heard her raise her voice or be angry at anyone.

She was a gentle soul.

And one classy lady.

We would go to the “theatre” dressed to the nines.

Lisa was the definition of classy.

She had that golden-era Hollywood glamour of days gone by.

Her birthday was Nov 23 mine on Dec 1.  We are both Sagittarius and we would go to Disneyland to celebrate our birthday’s  together.

She was a dear friend, a confident and my cohort.  She was the one with me and my friend Jeannette on the beach at midnight making offerings to Yemaya, Yoruba Goddess of love and fertility in exchange for meeting our soul mates.

She had the voice of an angel.  http://soundcloud.com/msmontijo/lisa-haze

In her younger days she had a recording contract with Sony.  She was in three bands, The California Girls, The Skallywagz, and Lisa Haze & The Dr. Bones Band.  She traveled the world performing and singing.

We had plans to do music together.  I was going to  write the songs and she was going to sing them.   Today she is singing with the angels and traveling through infinity.  Lisa I was honored to know you and call you my friend.

I miss you already………..


the ministers son……


I have recently been blogging about my first love, the magician but in order to talk about my first love we really have to go further back in time and to another place.

The year was 1964 and the place Puerto Rico.  I was only three years old and he was about eight or ten years old.  Neither my memory or mother‘s can recall all the details such as our actual ages but certain of the details are as clear as they day they occurred.

My first love was the minister’s son and I was only three years old.  …..

To continue reading go to, The Illusionist by Ivonne Montijo on amazon.com




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My words are true

My heart is pure

My i9ntention is clear

It is you who betrays me……

False accusations

born of your pain

but not with my name…..

I will take what is mine

I will take my creation

But I will not embrace

the hurt and pain of another

name it and call it

but name it properly

and do not put

someone else’s pain

to my face….

look in the mirror

and you will see

that the pain and betrayal

comes from thine own self

and thine own heart

call it and and name it

but do not put your pain

onto my face……

to allow your pain

to be put onto my face

would be my self-betrayal……

my words are true

my heart is pure

my intentions are clear

look in the mirror to see the fear

of the self that betrays you my dear……..

~♥ ivonne p montijo ♥~© 2012

Maggots as metaphors……

The last eight  months have been some sort of rollercoaster ride and I am not particularly partial to roller coaster rides.  It feels like I am about to birth something.  Maybe a new and improved version of myself?  But we are only at the beginning of month nine so I guess figuratively speaking I have a month left before some kind of birthing/transformation occurs.

Today I received a wake up call of sorts.  Something happened this morning that made me realize that I have been in a funk.  That I have not really been myself.  I think so much of my life has been lived in some sort of parallel universe that often times I am not aware of who the real Ivonne is or when life seems to have gotten off track.

But this morning I had a living metaphor to remind me that I need to start living life with purpose.

I went to take out the trash to discover that it was covered with maggots—-WTF!!!!!!!!

White disgusting maggots….on the outside of the trash bags, on the inside of the trash can…..gag me.  I am surprised I did not throw up on the spot.  It’s like they all sprouted over night.  It was totally disgusting.   And while I am cleaning out the trash man I remember that there are references to maggots in the bible relating to death and man being covered in maggots at death.  Well, I wasn’t dead but I was covered in maggots–kind of.

I was attracting the energy of maggots–the energy of man at his death being transformed–well you know being eaten by the maggots.  This is what popped into my head when I had to deal with this.

And I realized that I have been in a living death for about a month.  My creativity had come to a halt, business has slowed down and hence I have been financially challenged.  I have not worked out in a while and my diet has been sucky for about three weeks.

I have been in a deathly funk.  I have been processing old emotional wounds and that may be a part of it.  I have read that there are spiritual alignments happening in our universe and that may be playing a part as well.

Whatever the reason, the thing is I realized I am in a funk and I need to get out of it.

I am 50 going to be 51 years old and the plans I had at the beginning of the year have not panned out.

I do not have an answer at the moment……Hang on a sec my dog needs to go outside…..

I would love to be able to say here is the epiphany I had today but that is still a work in progress.  I know the answer lies in my health equally physical, emotional and spiritual.

Oh and it appears that my dog apparently has diarrieah…sigh…

I wanted to take a picture of the beautiful night sky out tonight but it turns out the battery in my camera is dead…go figure that seems to be the current state of affairs….sigh………

So instead of the night sky in Long Beach I am sharing with you one of my favorite sunset pictures I took while I was in Negril, Jamaica….


We interrupt the normally scheduled programing to bring you the latest news on yet another man in the public who has cheated on wife.

Just as Tyger Woods was probably relieved when Jessie James got outed for cheating on Sandra, I am sure Jessie James is relieved that Schwartznegger is now in the media spotlight for his indiscretions.

I remember when President Clinton was exposed thinking that it was nobody’s business, that it was between himself and his wife and should remain a private matter.  I have since have had a change of thought. 

In my religious studies class we were looking at the work of MLK, Jr., specifically one of his sermons on “Loving your enemy”, at the time that Bin Laden was killed and I thought his words were rather appropriate for the present day.

And then the professor mentions to the class that MLK, Jr. had numerous affairs.  I was aghast and personally affronted.  As a woman I lost some respect for the man.  There he is preaching love your enemy, truth, justice and equality for all and yet he was cheating on his wife?  And he was a pastor!!!

He did not just cheat on his wife but also his children and every person that believed in him and has taken his words to heart.  He cheated on me, just as Clinton cheated on me, just as Tyger cheated on every one of his fans who believed in him, just as Jessie James cheated on his fans and Mr. Schwartznegger cheated on his fans.

They cheated on their families.  They cheated on their children.  Just like my father cheated on my sister and me every time he cheated on my mother.

When are we as a society going to stop condoning this behavior that not only rips apart families but also tears apart our society.  It is not gay marriage that destroys the sanctity of marriage but gross infidelities on the part of heterosexuals.

It is the lack of the sanctity of marriage that destroys marriage.  I do not think we need divorce reform.  I believe what is needed is marriage reform.

Marriage has become a socially accepted form of prostitution when in reality marriage should be a sacred partnership that is undertaken by two people on the path to spiritual completeness and wholeness.

So, for those of you that have cheated on your spouse, either male or female, you cheated not only on them but on your children and on me as well.

You took a public vow of fidelity and you failed to keep those vows made before your family and friends.

Please let us make marriage sacred again.

What do you all think out their in the cyber world?  Is infidelity a private matter or does it somehow affect all of us in the spiritual realm?

“C” is for Cancer……


…and Cancer is a c**t.   About three weeks ago my younger sister got diagnosed with breast cancer, stage 1.  After her surgery she got upped to stage 3 because they found cancer in her lymph nodes.  My brother-in-law almost passed out in front of his kids and my mother went into the hallway and started to cry and yell, “Why couldn’t it be me(meaning herself)”.  I was on the phone with my father giving him the update and telling him he needed to get on a plane and come see my sister.

My sister was always the good kid-never got into trouble-never talked back was always shy and quiet.  I on the other hand was the black sheep, always getting into trouble.

I have contemplated suicide–I did not understand why she got the cancer, she has three teen age kids.  She has high school graduations and college graduations and weddings to attend to.  I don’t have any of that.  I thought it should be me, because I have less to live for.

My sister has always been the kind of person never to complain about physical pain.  She is much stronger than me in that regard.  So, to see my sister in pain and thinking she is going to die and making me promise to look after her kids was very hard to experience.

Cancer is a funny thing because it does not just change or effect the person with the cancer but others as well.  A dear friend of mine lost the last two years of her mother’s life because they were not speaking.  All of that changed when her mother got diagnosed. 

The past seemed to have gone away.  And I did not really understand that……until the day I picked my father up at the airport.  The past didn’t really matter…what he did or did not do.  What mattered was that he got on a plane and had come out to see my sister.  I picked him up and drove him to my sister’s house.

He started crying and asked my sister for forgiveness.  She started crying and I left the room because that was there moment.

Throughout our childhood my mother and her family always made my dad out to be the bad guy.  It is hard growing up surrounded by people who think badly of your father.

As you all know my father has not been a saint by no means or stretch of the imagination.  However, the stories have always been one-sided.

This time around I got to hear his side of the story.  Of course, I double checked everything he said with my mother who confirmed that he was indeed speaking the truth.  I can not disclose what he said because it is my parents story to tell but needless to say it does change my prior perceptions.

On the drive back my father asked me for forgiveness.  I said to him, “I’ll tell you the same thing I told my mother.  I am not upset about the past or what happened in childhood.  I get upset about the things that happen in present day”.

I had already forgiven him on the day I had picked him up at the airport…..

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