Single on Valentine’s Day

If you are single there seems to  be this tendency to dread this holiday. If you are male and dating there is also dread and angst concerning Feb. 14.  There are too many expectations which are tied into this day.

But what really is Valentine’s Day.

There are varying opinions as to the origin of Valentine’s Day. Some experts state that it originated from St. Valentine, a Roman who was martyred for refusing to give up Christianity. He died on February 14, 269 A.D., the same day that had been devoted to love lotteries. Legend also says that St. Valentine left a farewell note for the jailer’s daughter, who had become his friend, and signed it “From Your Valentine”.

Other aspects of the story say that Saint Valentine served as a priest at the temple during the reign of Emperor Claudius.

Under the rule of Emperor Claudius II Rome was involved in many bloody and unpopular campaigns. Claudius the Cruel was having a difficult time getting soldiers to join his military leagues. He believed that the reason was that roman men did not want to leave their loves or families. As a result, Claudius cancelled all marriages and engagements in Rome. The good Saint Valentine was a priest at Rome in the days of Claudius II. He and Saint Marius aided the Christian martyrs and secretly married couples, and for this kind deed Saint Valentine was apprehended and dragged before the Prefect of Rome, who condemned him to be beaten to death with clubs and to have his head cut off. He suffered martyrdom on the 14th day of February, about the year 270.

In 496 A.D. Pope Gelasius set aside February 14 to honour St. Valentine.

At that time it was the custom in Rome, a very ancient custom, indeed, to celebrate in the month of February the Lupercalia, feasts in honour of a heathen god. On these occasions, amidst a variety of pagan ceremonies, the names of young women were placed in a box, from which they were drawn by the men as chance directed.

The pastors of the early Christian Church in Rome endeavoured to do away with the pagan element in these feasts by substituting the names of saints for those of maidens. And as the Lupercalia began about the middle of February, the pastors appear to have chosen Saint Valentine’s Day for the celebration of this new feaSt. So it seems that the custom of young men choosing maidens for valentines, or saints as patrons for the coming year, arose in this way.

Gradually, February 14 became the date for exchanging love messages and St. Valentine became the patron saint of lovers. The date was marked by sending poems and simple gifts such as flowers. There was often a social gathering or a ball.

In the United States, Miss Esther Howland is given credit for sending the first valentine cards. Commercial valentines were introduced in the 1800’s and now the date is very commercialised.

So how does one avoid the commercialism of Valentine’s Day which for single women can often bring depression, sadness and feelings of why doesn’t anyone love me?

Love is not something we attract to ourselves but rather it should emanate from within.

So the question really should be, how do I get to express love on Valentine’s Day?

Every year I buy a Valentine for my soul mate and I put it away in a special tin.  Actually I do this for most holidays.  And I get joy out of reading the cards knowing that same day I will be able to sign them.

What would I do if my soul mate were in my life?  Well, I would probably buy new lingerie and I did.

I would buy a new outfit and I did.  All these actions according to the law of attraction are called “living as if”.

These are all great but how does this express outward love? You must love your self first and do things which empower you in order to be able to love others.

So, do something you love on Valentine’s Day. Get a massage-Volunteer at an animal shelter-volunteer at a children’s hospital-Go to Disneyland-spend time with family, do whatever makes you feel loving and loved.

As for myself, I am getting together with a group of friends and we are going to watch vampire movies.  Vampire movies, rather appropriate I think, as the myth of the vampire in modern day employs elements of sensuality and eternal and are not those elements also aspects of one’s soul mate?



In order to manifest anything in your life you need to put action to words.  You cannot just dream about it or sit around wishing or even just visualizing it.  Those are all tools which need to be fueled by actions.

So I gathered two of my girlfriends, Jackie and Lily (not their real names) to participate with me in a goddess/soul mate workshop.  They are my guinea pigs and they know it.

We are on this fun crazy journey that I am making up as I go along, kind of with a little help from everything and nothing in my life.

Day One

Most of us have obstacles or blocks that keep us from our desires.  Some are conscious and some are subconscious.  The three of us have stated that we want to draw/attract our soul mates to us so the first order of business is to see what our blindfolds are.

What is preventing me from having the love that I want?  So we had to think about this and make a list of our limiting beliefs.

My list went something like this:

-I am too old- (young man I took to my ex-husband’s wedding said this to me, apparently I wasn’t too old to have sex with, just too old to be in a “real” relationship with)

-My eggs are too old- (this from my doctor’s)

-I have no sense of humor( the ex-husband has said this to me–yet he forgets that I was married to him for 5 years).

-I am too fat- (mummy dearest likes to tell me this at least 2x a week)

-I am too smart- ( well I do have a brain and I do use it and I don’t dumb down for guys)

My god !!!!! I guess I am destined to be alone forever aren’t I?

Age is a matter of perspective and point of view and the truth is I am ageless.

Someday, I will be a great mom, not matter what the fertility docs say…but that may be another blog…..

I have a great sense of humor that my ex-husband will never see because we just don’t fit.

I’m not really fat but mom seems to remember my size 4 body and now I am a size 8—-I finally got that sexy curvy body I have always wanted. I would say that I am voluptuous.

So we looked at where these ideas came from and realized it was someone else’s voice rattling around in our heads.

When you have a dream or a desire and then hear a negative voice coming up with reasons as to why you can’t have it or why you can’t do it or why it will not turn out, you can be guarenteed that it is not your voice you are hearing .  It is often times a parent, an ex or some negative other.

The only voice you should be listeing to is the one that is emanating from your heart and soul, because that is where your true voice resides.  It is not inside your head.

And your soul mate will love you exactly as you are.

And so now it was time to go to the beach and offer up these limiting beliefs to the goddess Yemaya so that we can be healed and transformed.

So late into the evening, we packed into my Rav-4, my two girlfriends, my dog ( for security) and myself and headed off to the beach.

We took an offering to Yemaya, who is the Yoruba goddess of love and fertiltiy. She is also one of my spirit guides.  She is often depicted as a mermaid, so any offerings to her must be done at the ocean.   Offerings to Yemaya include melon, seven shiny pennies, sea lavender, and blue and white candles.

We arrive at the beach, which was quite warm for the middle of the night.  We found a lovely spot and lighted our candles.  We each had two candles, one blue and one white (Yemaya’s colors), which represented our self and our soul mate.

We took the papers on which we had written our limiting beliefs and burned them with our candles, giving them up to the universe to be transmuted and healed from our consciousness.

We then placed our offering to Yemaya at the waters edge, it it was taken by the tide it meant that she had accepted our offering and would assist us in the search for our soul mates.

It appeared as if our offering had been accepted but then 2 of the 3 pieces of melon washed back up. Hmnn…maybe this was not a good sign?  We were determined to get those melons into the ocean.  We had to place them on the sand as close to water without being in the water and then not getting caught by the tide.  We all took turns trying to get those melons into the ocean.  What a sight we must of have been –3 women and a dog hurling melons into the ocean.  We accomplished our goal-the ocean took our melons and we knew Yemaya would help us.

You must also bring libations of spirts to offer up to the gods and we had Barcardi Gold with us.  We poured out libations to the goddess.  Then Jackie decided we should each take a swig of rum to seal the deal. I’m not really mush of a drinker but hey I want my soul mate in my life.

So there we were, 3 goddesses, basking in the moonlight, drinking rum while we opened our hearts to our soul mate………

love note……

Blessings my dear Pirate.

I will visit you in your dreams.

I will be the mermaid,

daughter of Yemaya

that rescues your dying soul.

I will drag your limp body

to the sandy shores

of a beautiful isle

and into your lips

I will breathe life back into you.


Sweet, salty kisses

as I gaze upon that boyish face.


I will trade in my mermaid’s tail

for a pair of womanly legs

that I will wrap around your

sinewy torso.


Let my womb explode

in the power of your soul

as we reunite in yet another lifetime,

to fuel one another,

to power one another.

and to mirror one another…..


softly and sweetly I bid you good night my dear pirate

for tomorrow is another day,

another lifetime, another adventure.


And I must reclaim my mermaid’s tail

and swim into the stars…….

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